Fake relationships....

Namaste  everyone,
We are ordinary people and are often heard saying all relationships  are fake...My personal view on this also has been the same..
People betray others,take advantage  of others, manipulate them, use them and finally throw them out of their lives when they find ordinary  people  no longer useful..
These things are quite common in today's  world..and everyone  has faced this in one way or the other..but the point here is who should  be held responsible for these betrayals...obvious answer is the one who betrayed, cheated  or used the other one..
But my thoughts  deep within think  "Yes" the betrayer  is responsible..but but but..the other ordinary person  is no less responsible.. You will be  annoyed  with me listening  to this but let me give you my point..
We are simple, ordinary people that want serious  and pure relationships in life and  always strive for that..We always give our more than 100% to make the relationship  work...but in all this we give ourselves  completely..and keep on giving so much space to the other partner that the other partner starts  taking us for granted..we are even ready to give our own breathing space ,we reveal our weaknesses  to them..we become totally vulnerable  in front of them..we become totally  emotionally  dependent upon them..
We can not imagine life without them..we become ready for sacrificing  anything including  our ego for the relationship  to somehow work..I am not saying  there should  be any ego in relationships..It's  just that people keep on taking us for granted and for the sake of continuing  the relationship we continue to tolerate..usually ordinary people want to continue a relationship once made and want to give more then 100% to somehow continue it..but in this process we ourselves become so weak and vulnerable that even after recognizing flaws in the relationship and the partner we just can not gather the courage to end it ..
They keep playing with weaker person's  emotions ..and ordinary people allow them easily because  they are themselves  insecure  deep within..only for the sake of relationship that was actually  a fake one..we continue to make efforts to  continue  it somehow..
We  ordinary ones gave all the strength to them  because  of our own weaknesses,we  ourselves gave right to them to treat us badly or the way they want it to be ...with no revolt or even sign of annoyance from our side..That makes us so underconfident...that the other so powerful..
There is no equality  in fake relationships, there  is no mutual respect , no love ..nothing ..but the fake relationship  continues   because the ordinary  one is too weak to  end it...
Giving your everything  to a relationship  is not at all  a bad thing..everyone is actually  needs a relationship   that is pure to the core and we do   live for each other in  pure relationship.. but not by using the other  and throwing him or her out when they no longer suit you...is not at aĺl acceptable..We ordinary  ones have to  overcome our weaknesses  and strive for equality  and respect in relationships...otherwise continuing  the relationship will be burden than an asset in life... 
"Please ,please , donot jump into relationships  to hide your insecurities  and weaknesses...first overcome them  and then think of being in a relationship... Relationships  should be our strengths  for life not weakness.."

Our children, our love , our strength, our support, our everything..

Namaste everyone,
My kids are my strength..my everything..everything of my life revolves around them.. I love them more than anything or anybody in this world and always will.. most of the ordinary people like me  have this mindset and we proudly accept we have it and will continue to do so all our lives..
Many times when we feel low ,rejected ,disappointed and worthless then   its  our children  that make us realise how important  we are for them.. atleast in  initial years of their lives..what a satisfaction  we get knowing that we are inevitable  for them.. they love us the way we are..they donot judge us for not having a professional  career or our achievements  in life ...this undoubtedly  makes us happy and we start feeling this is it ..  what else we need from life ,we need not do anything about ourselves.... 
We will continue  like this all our lives.." but is sab mei  hum yeh bhool jaate hain ki ,our own kids will also grow up ,they will be independent   and will be no more dependent  on us for everything..they will be separate individuals..with their own mindset and intellect  and of course  they will also get busy with their own lives , then what will we ordinary people do...we will have nothing at all.. for ourselves.. because we always lacked the spirit and enthusiasm to do something  for ourselves.."
If we don't focus on ourselves in initial years of our lives we won't be able to do it when we get middle aged or even old..and restarting will be difficult.. I am not telling impossible  but will be of course  more challenging.. so why not start today...we  should stop giving up on ourselves.. because we  are definitely not using our full potential , if we donot follow our passions..and do not even do things that really make us happy..
Some  people  also give this justification  that they are happy the way they are,doing nothing for themselves,living a monotonous  life..for others..but sooner or later by not grooming  ourselves we are actually not joyful and also cannot make others around us joyful.. that is the main reason most of the people tend to feel irritated ,tired and unhappy about their lives..so...please make the right move now..make a start in whatever possible way but do make a new start.. if a person like me can do,I am damn sure you all also can.😊😊😊

Loneliness.. how it feels..

Namaste everyone..
How lonely it feels.. sometimes..or many times.. when we just  look at ourselves..
Physically  we are surrounded  by so many people... especially our family ,our loved ones.. par pata nahi kahan se yeh weird  si akelepan ki bimari si lag jati hai..once we allow this feeling to sink in.. toh  what we  get  is a disillusion of a failed  life,without purpose bus chalte rahna, jeete rahna.... wohi repeated si zindagi..aisa humein bahut baar feel hota hai.. one of those low days.. hum aisa feel karte hain.. aur hum yeh samaj nahi pate ki yeh hamara mind kya games khelta hai humare sath..
muje iska reason  yeh lagta hai ki, hum apna poora time apni family mei invest karte hain every day and night.. aur is baat ko maan lete hain ki hamare bina unka kaam nahi chalega.. this is quite misleading..family ko hamari jaroorat hoti hai jaise humein unki.. but jab woh thode independent   ho jate hain.. toh humein laid back feeling aati hai..that further leads to  a strong feeling  of loneliness..that is why life ke har stage mei.. apne chote chote hi sahi, par apne passions ,interests ko jaroor jaroor....follow  karte rahna chahiye.. yeh humein ..bekar ki negative thoughts  se protect karta hai and moreover humein kahin na kahin ek sense of satisfaction  and  purpose bhi deta hai.. jo happy and confident  feel karne ke liye must hain. 
Apne aapko self depressing feelings se protect karna.. is a everyday task..aisa nahi hai.. once we do it and its done .... its a continuous process..it can happen only when we keep ourselves busy doing things we really feel happy about... but this by no way means ki hum apni responsibilties ko ignore karen..and ek selfish si life jeena start kar den...that will be a total disaster. when  we start ignoring our responsibilities life around us will be a mess... then sirf apni happiness ke bare mei soch ke life mei chalna, totally selfish ban jana...yeh for me is really unacceptable.. humein inner engineering karke khud ko enhance karna hai..this is to become  better human beings because  when we  feel happy and confident ... about ourselves , then only we are able  to make others around us happy.. and together we can make a family where our children feel happy ,emotionally strong and confident.. and further a society ,a country and a world... making little little contributions in our own possible ways...😊😊😊

The key to our Happiness and Peace of mind is in our own hands.

Namaste everyone,
Today I thought of writing my blog post while I was feeling quite low..It was not at all related to others.. Actually most of the times other people's  behaviour  is responsible  for pissing us off..or sometimes things  do not go as we plan or expect..or even sometimes really unexpected problems  arise that are totally  unanticipated..
On  day to day basis  we have to tackle life as it comes..but very often there are days ,when we get up ,we somehow start feeling  low and disappointed for no obvious reasons..We sometimes feel bored and irritated  with the monotony  of our daily routines also..
Most importantly we always relate our mood with other people's behaviour towards ourselves  or their reactions to particular  situations in our day to day lives that donot go in tandem with what we feel..Nobody's  thinking  will match 100% to somebody else no matter how close he or she may be to us..
We give the key to our happiness  in the hands of others..If others treat us well or appreciate  us or  act in ways we want them to or do things that we like or somehow please us..we feel comfortable  and happy..but mostly people around us  and in most people's  life donot meet expectations...and we  all feel entangled in loops of sadness and start feeling low or depressed...
We are ordinary people  and feeling low ,sad, annoyed or getting irritated  easily is definitely  happening to all of us on some day or the other..that is natural..we are not perfect..
The thing is mindset of others making us happy itself is totally flawed, because how can others decide what  things will really please us to the core..Decisions  are definitely  ours ...but because of our own insecurities  and low will power we allow people to control our minds and emotions easily...and  that results  in disturbing  our mental peace..
Others controlling us and playing with our emotions is not their strength  but our own weakness..that we have get rid of immediately.. Confidence  building and  fighting our own insecurities  can only protect us  from this social thing that is allowing others to somehow control the weak ordinary ones..
Ordinary people being under confident  are easily controlled by others emotionally because they are not  self confident enough and seeking aporovals for little little things..
How can others easily disturb our mental peace and make us feel sad or annoyed?
The answer is straightforward because we  feel mentally weak and insecure..we suffer from a lot of negative complexes , we are pretty much dependent on others emotionally..we can not manage on our own emotionally and we need others socially or emotionally or financially..
What I strongly feel is we are expecting people to act and behave the way we want them to ,in this stupid process we are actually  giving them the power to control us with the outcome of their actions..If rhey act according to our thought process, the way we like it  we are pleased  or I should say our ego is satisfied..but we things donot go as we plan we start feeling  annoyed , irritated  and unhappy..The catch here is in this exercise of controlling  others we are actually getting controlled..Think about it ..Isn't it so..🤔🤔🤔

Believing in our ownselves...

Namaste everyone ,
We ordinary people lack a very basic quality of  not believing  in our ownselves...We never think we are worthy of success  although we do dream of being successful  somehow  but do  not believe  that we ourselves  can achieve  that. This is also true that we were never that successful all our lives, we were not the toppers..not in academics nor in sports ..not even in extra curricular  activities...we were not the favorites , we were the crowd..we were the great underconfident  ones..this thought  was so embedded in our minds that it  even stopped us from  participating. forget about winning...Fear of failure was so much in us..that we forget to enjoy the game of life..
Believing  in one's ownselves  does not make us someone with super powers..but it definitely  gives the strength  to carry on ,to work hard and never ever lose hope ..
Believing  in ourselves , this thing is magical..it gives immense agility  to move on..despite  of failures..
This is what is required...or we should say this is inevitable and the most neccessary thing to be successful...in any field we choose.. for ourselves..
This belief in our inner strengths protects us from the judgements of people around us..It protects us from their perspective of our life from their understanding...
Its noway easy to have or achieve a mental strength that says ,"We can do it,no matter what"..
The best part about life is  this mental strength is there for everybody..but most of the people fail to harness it..Because they have always completely  filled their lives and especially minds with self doubt and a great sense of unworthiness ..
Our mind plays these games with us..makes us fearful of trying  any thing new or restarting  after repeated failures..but this sense of belief in our strengths,our undying spirit to carry on will take us towards our goals ,no matter  how impossible  our dream may appear..but with inner strength..and belief we can work wonders..we have numerous  real life examples where peopĺe didn't  stop believing  in themselves even when the whole  world refused to do so..
Believing  in ourselves  is a commitment  that we make to ourselves  that we will continue  to work towards our goals even if success is minimal,even if people donot  believe in us nor our dreams..we will keep working on our  mental strengths , we will enhance our skills ,we will learn and improve..we may not be successful  overnight but will not stop trying...😊😊😊

My experiences and feelings in initial days of starting my blog..

Namaste everyone,
Today I thought of sharing my feelings and experiences after starting afresh..after  years..may be someone can relate to this..
"I was finding it difficult  to continue because of no significant improvements whatsoever in my professional life.."
This particular thought keeps on haunting me...and every ordinary person who somehow gathered  courage to start afresh after failures or years of no professional activity  at all...This gets into our nerves, we feel restless and irritated..waiting for something to click. Most of the times nothing happens..no movement in the success counter, it appears as if it is stuck on zero for us only...
When I decided to write my blog.."Myheartfultalks" , I felt strong and confidence  for sometime initially..I was motivated enough  to write  posts and thought I had much to write and share with people who are really struggling to begin with something....I  was giving my best..I was trying..I was not getting much audience response...I had minimal  technical knowledge...but I was learning new things every day as far as technicalities  were concerned...I am still trying..can not say how much..It is important  for me.. 
"I am on a journey  to prove myself to me".
After writing posts I was desperately waiting for views..I felt restless..I was annoyed..fear of failure was again really ,really frightening  me,I was feeling  damn frustrated..,I was checking my page views over and over again..,waiting for comments or some kind of audience response was much awaited..I needed  their feedback and appreciation  desparetely..but nothing was happening....After two months I even thought of giving up..but some how didnot do so..I am still trying..will continue to  try..
I shared this only because I want to say is please hang on..donot quit..Let's  see..Honest effort never gets wasted..we will make a way out...
But the thing is in absence of success  we can drive motivation from the fact that atleast we are a somewhat  improved  version of what we are yesterday ..we can keep reminding  our ownselves  that at least  we are improving..we are on the path of self improvement..What  we are doing is our own stuff,we own it..whatever little we will achieve it will be our own..I personally feel its just a matter of time ..we can not stop now ...Please donot stop in between ,keep trying..😊😊😊

Failures and success in life..

Namaste everyone,
Life is full of uncertainty, we have been listening  to the fact that ,Life is Uncertain... nothing is in full control , we just have to go with the flow..but  we really begin to feel it when we grow up..We make a lot of plans for the future...we plan and we expect  better things for our  future...Its not that everytime bad things happen..but more or less its different  from what we really  expect or want...
There are different  categories  of people according  to their different  mindsets..
1.People who are getting success  in their lives in one way or the other , keep on moving..They do feel a sense of purpose .They have something to look upto on daily basis..
2. People who are some how contented in whatever they have ,they feel no need of any accomplishment..they feel satisfied..(this category of people are very very less).Uncertainties do not bother them..
3.The third category of people have nothing significant to talk about..They have not achieved anything till date..but they do crave  for it,but do not find a way out...They lack purpose  and are continuously suffering from a strong feeling  of unworthiness..
Actually it seems that most of the people in their life have been in this third category for at least some time..Fortunately  some found a way out..and others still continue to be there ,hanging..
Uncertainty is part of every body's  life..Its not that the successful ones don’t  have their share of problems or they donot feel low or they donot fail..but they do not allow circumstances  to take over their lives..and they continue no matter what....they find ways, uncertainty bothers them but does not stop them from moving ahead towards their goals...
In life its always the survival of the fittest..and in today's  world  I feel only head strong  can survive.. Believing  in our own selves is the key but the most difficult thing to garner ,if we master that..success is assured..sooner or later..Usually the ordinary ones stop trying after  à few failures...and even stop trying.When they are uncertain or unsure about the results..they fail to perform,their insecurities come into play ,they feel lack of confidence, ,fear of failure and fear of judgement from others scares them. Instead of exposing themselves to this test of judgement by others ,they choose to simply quit instead of  hanging in there ..They continue to live in this fear and  simply stop dreaming...because they no more believe in themselves...They are definitely shattered to the core with the failures and disappointments they suffered in their lives..Everybody knows failures hurt..be it emotional or financial..The thing is  there are so many barriers in the way towards success of any kind...One who decides to overcome them or treat them as lessons in life can move ahead...
I personally feel we all may be ordinary but are still special in some sense...we may be of no value for most of the people in the world but we are special and most important for  very very few..That's what matters..
We may have failed many a times but  we can succeed if we keep on trying...
“Success is not final ,failure is not fatal : it is the courage to continue that counts.”-Winston Churchill.

 “It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.” —J. K. Rowling

Relationships without Respect..2

Namaste everyone,
This is my second post regarding Respect in Relationships...I donot know whether I am totally correct  or not..but I do truly feel that how can you sustain a relationship without respect for each other???..You love a person but you can not give the due respect to him or her..this thing appears silly to me..We may not like a lot of things about  each other,but somehow you decided to be part of a relationship..If you are losing respect for each other,it is certain that sooner or later the so called forced relationship  will find its way to the end..What is expected of a partner  from the other is you should not hurt the dignity of the other.. especially  in front of others..some people think atleast you should act respectfully in front of others..I do not see any justification  in this also respect is something  you have to give at all times..its not that  something you have to act or pretend to do...If one person cannot  give respect to the other individual as part of a relstionship just  walking  away is the correct choice...because this disrespectful  behavior  is not a one day thing it happens over and over again without any apologies  or regrets..
People hurt others without any justified reasons, reasons  are endless..but the abuse continues. Disrespectful behaviour starts with one individual's self proclaimed thought of superiority over the other..which is noway healthy for any  realationship..A healthy relationship is made from equals and not from two different  individuals  with one having an assumption of being someway somewhat superior to the other with the exclusive rights of hurting the other,insulting him or her in any possible  way, making them feel insecure, feel inferior..
Disrespect and any kind of abusive behaviour is unacceptable, everyone preaches that..But what is the way out..because relationships  usually  donot break on any particular day's behaviour..they break when  abusing the other becomes the part of everyday life,in endless different ways ..
Now comes the reality check, who gave this unlawful inhumane right to one person to hurt other person's dignity over and over again..continuously from  days months and years..The answer is obviously the weaker person ,due to their whatever personal reasons or weaknesses  they  kept tolerating the nonsense abuse of the other..The weak declared  themselves  helpless idiots who have nowhere to go ,so continued this fake relationship..due to the fear of society or financial constraints  or any other reason..but accepting abuse of any kind  can never be justified  by any damn reason.. I do agree  with the fact that compulsions are there but they never give the other person  right to treat others disrespectfully..
Atleast we shouldn't  encourage  this kind of behaviour against  anybody including our ownselves...We have to raise our voice against this  unacceptable behaviour before it creates never dimininishing scars in our lives,leaving us weak ,underconfident and insecure individuals..that forget to live life and simply continue to exist without any aspirations or dreams...
https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/07/fake-relationships.htmlhttps://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/07/fake-relationships.html

Relationships without Respect..1

Namaste  everyone,
Relationships are easy to make...I am focussing here on relationships  between grown ups..We as adults sonehow  feel attracted towards eah other and fell into relationships..I am not saying all relationships  can be disastrous  to  everybody's personal well being..but they can be... if there is no mutual respect among the two..I am not at all gender biased... Attraction happens..and is of course inevitable..
I feel  relationships  fail mainly because  people  do not treat their better halfs with equal respect...Problems arise if any one of partners starts dominating the relationship because of the following possible reasons:

1.May be he or she is more qualified  or earns better and the  other partner earns less or does not  earn at all.
2.May be because  any of the one has better looks.
3.May be because the one of the partner belongs to a better family background..
4.May be because one of the partner 's nature is as such.
5.May be because  one of the partner is deeply inecure and dominating..
6.May be because one of the partner has noway to go because of his  or her  financial conditions or even social pressures. 

Reasons are endless..and can differ  from person to person..“What I am deeply concerned  is who gives the right to one of the partner to treat his or her better half disrespectfully...
One of the partner can be less educated,can earn less or have a failed professional life..but who gives them the audacity  to treat the other  badly ..They keep on verbally abusing the weaker one (as they assume it)..
The underlying assumption usually for this kind of hurtful  behaviour  is the assumption  that the other person  will not go anywhere because  of social or financial restrictions.“
Disrespect is not tolerable..at all in any relationship..basis of adult relationships  is equality..but without respect for each other how can we expect equality..Every relationship is flawed.. No one is perfect..Everybody has some weaknesses be it emotional or financial..but "being in relationships both the partners are expected to support each other both emotionally  and financially..which ever way possible..people in relationships  should complete each other..should make each feel wanted ..not that the one person should make the other person feel like a burden or a liability..Relationships are not liabilities,  everything in relationships  are done out of love...no other reason drives it..but if one of the partner  starts feeling superior  to the other..he or she will definitely  turn disrespectful to the other...
Be respectful to your partners , they may be weak,underqualified ,not so good looking..or whatever weakness the other may have..Please  become each other's strength..and help  each other  overcome their weaknesses  and accept them as they are but with utmost respect  and equality...🥰🥰🥰
My following  posts are further related to respect  and fakeness in relation 👇👇
https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/07/relationships-without-respect2.htmlhttps://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/07/relationships-without-respect2.html

https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/07/fake-relationships.htmlhttps://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/07/fake-relationships.html