Relationships are our strength or weakness???

Relationships are our strength or weakness??

Namaste everyone,
We are surrounded  by so many different people in the form of various relationships
all our lives..we love and care for them and of course they also love and care for us..
Parents, siblings, grandparents,teachers  friends ,neighbours ,our uncle, aunts and cousins..(there can be many more for some people)These all relations  play a very important role in creating an environment  in which normally people spend all their lives and create  the basic foundation  of  our adult lives..
We feel happy ,we feel loved,we feel protected, we feel secure,we dream big things..In most middle class families people have all these relationships and are quite close to their families..
I am not saying all people have very good big families but just telling usually people feel loved and safe in their big or small families..and in our childhood  times ,we donot know what exactly  relationships  are or even what  is the importance of having healthy relations. But when we become adults from where the hell does all kinds of insecurities related to relationships ,money ,career and our ownselves start dominating us..
We no longer feel comfortable  with many people, we are not confident  about our looks, our career profiles,our marksheets ,our bank balance,our social status ,our jobs , our relationships ..we lack trust ,we feel insecure..
The thing is as grown ups we are expected to be responsible and there is no question about that ,we as adults should act responsibly ..but we feel weak and can not even gather the confidence  of telling people what we exactly feel because we are grown  ups ,we have to face it.."jo relationships  hamari strength  hote hain woh hamari weakness ban jate hain.."
So many new relations get added to our lives like girl friends, boy friends ,husband,wife , kids , in-laws, colleagues,and many more friends..I personally think what exactly happens is
 " we ourselves start a competition  of proving ourselves to all the relationships around us of our worth..and when we fail we  start feeling depressed  and insecure.."
Of all the relationships  that we have nurtured so far very few ones need any certificate  from us for  being the best or very successful, they are there for us no matter how  we are( although  they do wish for us to be happy and successful)
They love us and accept us the way we are, they are our real strengths..We donot need to prove the whole world our importance , we can not be the  good or best for everyone..
But the thing is usually  ordinary people fail to recognize  this due to their own  insecurities and trust issues..Performing better in life should be everybody's aspiration..but as we are doing it for our loved ones and family ,Our family and relationships  act as a support system and the ultimate source of strength for us..as I personally  feel and people can relate with me , if we are doing something  for our family or  for that matter any body we really love,we are filled with a different  kind of energy and zeal..I donot know about the results,but we do try to give our best..and that is what matters  ..its our intentions that really matter for our those relationships  that are the basis of our lives..
Have we ever wondered  that do our looks really matter for our family,jo hamare liye sabse important hoti hai,toh phir hum apne looks ko le kar itna under confident  kyun feel karte hain.. Actually if  we pay attention our insecurities  are actually mindgames that stop us from achieving  our goals by making us weak mentally and hampering  our confidence levels.
We have to perform in our respective  lives by using our strong relationships  as a source of strength..and all other things do not matter...at all..
When we start  doing things like this ,all clutter of unwanted expectations  from people that donot matter is removed from our minds.and when there is less clutter there will be more performance.. one  more thing not everybody will be happy with your success but of course most people  will be happy or not even affected by your failure..then why the hell do we carry the extra luggage of performing for them.. or proving something to people that donot  really even matter..
Dear readers, use your full potential  ,do work hard but with happy and contented  minds ,without any insecurities and pressure and with the mental and moral underlying  support of our loved ones..😊😊😊

Feeling helpless..but not hopeless..

Feeling helpless but not hopeless...

Namaste  everyone,
Life as a whole is quite different from what we feel and go through everyday  every moment..If somebody  asked me ," How are you feeling today??",one day I will  say fine some other day I may not feel that good ,will still say all good..but looking over a longer period of our past life  ,we will say as a whole everything is quite Ok. My family is fine ,all are well and healthy ,we  maintain a  normal middle class life style ,my kids are good  and amazing ..I love them and wish all the happiness of the world for them..but what the hell is wrong with me??
I donot  know what is going on in my mind..
I feel lonely,I donot know  what to do with my life ,I feel purposeless..Although I do have a lot of responsibilities..I can not just go away from them..I am really trying to find ways to get out of this mindset.. I feel sabke pass apna kuch hai karne ke liye,i do not have anything..
Over all these years giving least importance  on self grooming and personal development , I think is the reason of my situation right now..I feel helpless because  I am still finding ways to start all over again..but I donot feel hopeless,I am quite hopeful  about this..I will surely find a way out of this...,I started writing this ..just because mostly in today's lives people will start telling you have  everything , what all am saying are just plain negative thoughts...
I lack something ...I also donot know..right now,trying  to figure  it out...
May be am bored of the monotony of the work that I do,my kids are growing up,I have invested so much time in them over the past 10 years ,that I forgot to live for myself,as they are growing up ,they are becoming  more and more independent..  so may be I have time for these stupid thoughts now..as most people will judge me..
Whatever be the reasons,I feel I have to come out of the shell I have been living ..for soo long..
One more strange thing am observing is," all people around me are quite busy,they donot have a bit of idea what's  all going in my head right now..even if I tell them they will definitely  find it funny ,silly ,stupid or unimportant.." That does not mean they donot love  me but ,yeh jo picture banate hain na  hum perfect hone ki ,actually  fake hoti hai,we  also feel weak ,we also get disappointed, we also get sad..we also feel lonely..we also feel helpless..
The question now is What next??The answer although  easy to say but difficult  to implement  is to start again, take baby steps but do  make a start by making little little life style changes towards your goals ,that will really make you happy and feel complete 😊😊😊

Life of a housewife..

Life of a housewife..

Namaste everyone,
I am writing  this post to share some daily stories in the life of a housewife...I think I am little qualified writing this as I am myself a housewife for the past 14 years..
The word "House wife" is quite   underrated.. because we housewives  do work 24/7 ..no one can deny that..
 To be a Housewife for life, this decision is some times forced by circumstances,  sometimes it's a personal choice or sometimes we are not qualified enough  to do something else..😕😕
In the first case,some women are forced to leave their jobs to become housewives ,due to numerous  personal reasons like their husband or in laws  doesnot  like them working or some family situation becomes such like transfer of husband to some new place..bla bla..bla..itne sare reasons sunte hain apne friends aur family se.. the thing is you have chosen to  become a house wife.
Second case  can be because of your own children ,you choose to become a housewife for their upbringing ,in this case also sometimes women are forced to leave their jobs because they have none to take care of their children ..children as for everybody are our utmost priority..
 Reasons of becoming a housewife are numerous  but the thing is everybody  as a housewife today or some day starts feeling fed up of the monotony  of work all housewives have to go through  each day.. there is definitely  no change..
This feeling becomes worse if unfortunately  the women were forced to leave their jobs and  were quite qualified..
And for women who are  not that qualified  I personally think  situation is even worse as they find no way to go or even start..am not saying it's easy for the qualified ones but they somehow have some confidence  that they can start based on their qualifications.. but simple ordinary ones find themselves  in darkness..
Even if it  was a personal choice..
Reason kuch bhi ho when this feeling  sucks in ,we feel frustrated ,dissatisfied and disappointed..and think yeh kya kar liya hai humne apni life ke sath....kya ban gaye hain hum...
The thing here is jo life ke saal humne waste kar diye(yeh  waste  word use karna shayad galat hoga because  we invested all those years for our  own family and kids), we have to some how restart .. again...
The most important thing here is that it's not being a house wife is a problem  but the the problem surely   is being only a housewife with no other thing , qualifications,hobby,likes or dislikes to associate  with our personalities..
Over all these years we forgot  about ourselves  completely..but now we have to make a new beginning. Lets  start a new journey  together...
The thing is where to start,you can see my confidence building method that worked for me in the following link 👇

https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/06/confidence-building-way-that-worked-for.html
One more most important point that we forget over these years is we completely lose our financial  independence.see my post below on my take on financial  dependence
https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/05/financial-dependence.html

Alltime Locked down lives of ordinary people

Locked down life  of ordinary people...

Namaste  everyone,
In this coronavirus crisis times we all were living in lockdowns as per government  guidelines  and rules..
But have you all noticed in these times people around us  who used to be quite busy normally enjoyed a little in the initial times of lockdown in their homes ,kids also thought of no school and imagined  there will be no studies and things like that..but after lockdown got extended two three times and now  nobody wants to be in lockdown .. but it is although for our own safety and protection that we  are staying indoors..for most of us activities  related to outside world are very minimal and limited to only essential  ones..
What I want to say or rather convey here  is  most of people got totally fed up with lockdown not only due to financial  reasons but also  psychologically they got irritated ..Two to three months lockdown  had so much severe consequences  on  almost everybody's  financial  and emotional  health..but but but....😕😕😏😏😏
"We ordinary  people have been living in the these  kind of lockdowns in our mind for past so many years.. that we are ordinary we are average ,we donot have any talent  ,what will people think if I do this or that  ,i can not do anything ..mujse nahi ho payega, maine kabhi kiya nahi, even if I will try I know  it will be a failure ..Please stop judging yourself soo ..soo....harshly .give yourself a break..if it is not comforting for most of the people ,how come we ordinary people continue to live like this,how long we will continue to be to live in our selfmade lockdowns  and will not even try to come out of it..For how many more years we will not try  to  do something for our own personal  development..isn't  it strange..Hats off to our patience." 
 Why cannot we try to make a new start ..let's start together with a small  hobby or a small yoga session ..or simply going for a walk for half an hour..lets embrace our own likes ,let's do things that makes us really happy..because then only we can make world a much happier place..😊😊..Government  is also unlocking phase wise..gradually..we should also..taking small small steps..we can make it..

Know nothing person with no technology knowledge..

Know nothing person...

Namaste everyone,

When we make  up our minds to make a new start..after long mental fights with ourselves.. next hurdle that we face is that we donot have any  sufficient knowledge.. and exposure  to start something new, specific to our interests or epassions we love to do certain things but that knowledge  is so superficial  and less that it just cannot be immediately turned  into something that can give us great monetary benefits...so the key here is learning and upgrading yourselves  about a topic or hobby of your choice..learning little but new things everyday... I know it is going to be tough as I am also facing it and going through  it.. you and I can not lose hope now..
Bahut mushkil se toh start kar payen hain.. now we can not look back.. agar hum aisa apna thought process bana len ki hum ordinary log toh waise bhi kuch bhi  fruitful nahi kar rahe the apne liye.. for the past  so many years..then we have nothing to lose.. atleast now we are doing something.. our efforts  may appear insignificant  to others but these small steps will be milestones for our future.. nobody else knows how much courage  we have gathered  to start this new venture of ours.. kabhi kiya jo nahi kuch , kabhi kuch achieve  hi nahi kiya.. most importantly  kuch karne ke liye aspire be nahi kiya.. kabhi socha bhi nahi..,
We ordinary people are mostly not so aspirational or we can say professional  types..I want to make one confession here that
" dar abhi bhi lagta hai. par phir bhi  ab rukna nahi hain." Baby steps  se hi sahi  but we will move forward..😊😊😊and become better,  happy ,joyful ,healthy and successful  in whatever path we choose for our selves..

About me..

Few things about myself

Namaste everyone,
I am a very very simple , honest  and  ordinary person who has just started following  a new dream...  abhi I am a house wife and really proud mother of  two smart boys ..my bachas.. my every thing..my husband works in a MNC..I have done B.tech and M.tech in computer science..worked for almost 6 years as a lecturer  and after leaving my job almost ten years ago, I have now started a new journey.
I am  quite a noobish  person..I was a pessimist all my life.. I was average  in everything I did.. with average qualities, average looks.. nothing very special about me..Isliye shayad bahut time liya maine restart karne mei. But donot want others like me to waste so many years of their  lives thinking what to do next.. kya karen .. kahan se dobara start  karen.. kuch bhi pata nahi..par man mei ek baat aati rahti thi.. bus kuch aisa karna hai.. ki "my family  should feel proud of me,especially my sons.." my approach  to life is very very simple..sabko khush rakhna chahti hun ,sabke liy jo bhi kisi bhi tarah se muje jante hain , unki help karna chahti hun..sabki life mei  kuch positive changes lana chahti hun..country ke liye bhi bahut  kuch karna chahti hun. Underprivileged   women  and especially  kids ,want to do something for them too..yeh sab mere dreams hain..muje personally social work karna acha lagta hai.. but thode large scale par kuch bhi karne ke liye money and expertise lagta hai.. jo one day I will definitely  achieve.
Jis mental depression se I have been through, I want ordinary  people like me to understand  and not go through  the same things.. those are not worth it..the negativity is all in the mind... we can get over it by keeping  ourselves  busy in whatever  we love to do and  helping  ordinary people in taking the first step towards their goals....😊😊😊👍👍

Confidence building way that worked for me..

Confidence build ways...

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” — George Bernhard Shaw. 

Namaste everyone,

I found this quote today and really found it very very inspiring ..because it relates completely with me and all other ordinary people like me..who think they can not achieve anything because fear of judgement, disapproval and getting rejected is so much in us.. that stops us  from doing anything, starting something new..but  "thinking about all this we simply forget ki agar start hi nahi karenge to how the hell we are going to reach our smallest possible goals".Of course we will make mistakes.. but instead of feeling shameful about them , we have to learn from  them and improve otherwise time toh nahi rukhega.. but we will always have a regret that, "koshish karte toh ho sakta tha but hamne rejection ya failure ke dar se koshish bhi nahi ki".. we are acting as our own biggest enemies.. and we will eventually  spent our  entire lives doing nothing.

Little lifestyle changes can really make a huge difference. So I would like to share some confidence building tips to make a new start:

1.Donot spend much time sleeping,  maximum 8 hours sleep is enough, actually we ordinary people are actually so much depressed  as a result of which we tend to sleep more and waste our precious  time..this is my personal observation..

2.Since we have to  cut our sleeping hours (although we won't be able to make dramatic changes over night but slowly slowly we can see the change and benefits)we will be having atleast 2 to 3 hours for ourselves..

3.Utilise these hours for doing what you really like to do but you yourself should be the focus..you can try reading your favorite  books , do gardening , follow a hobby, doing yoga or simply going for a walk doing dancing ,singing..doing art and craft ,learning new recipes  ,baking etc..
One thing I would say even after spending  1 to 2 hours on yourself you will not feel tired or exhausted  like you always used to  feel even after sleeping  so much..on the other hand you will feel more energetic and productive for the rest of the day..that's  for sure.

4.As  days will  pass you will really come to know about your interests and you will have a clear picture  of things you are comfortable in and would love to do..so along with spending time  on whatever you love to do the most, you youself will start to research about it and learn new new things related to it. And slowly and gradually you will develop  an expertise..regarding that subject of your choice..with strong knowledge  and time spent on the particular topic of your choice you will  start feeling confident about it..this  time spent on yourself will act as a self grooming session .. and with continuous  effort you can definitely  master  anything and will become  fully confident about it.

5.Once you have got the confidence you can venture further and even convert your hobby like thing into a small business  to get monetary benefits.

Although  it is a slow process but results will be amazing that's  for sure..and more importantly  you will become a better version of yourself with each passing day..soo... start now..😊😊😊
The following  post of mine shows my state of mind when  I was just thinking to start  my new journey.
https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/05/my-ordinary-life.html

Life is beautiful??? If we decide to make it so...😊😊.

Life is beautiful..

Namaste everyone,

"Life is Beautiful",How easy it is to say, "kitna aasan hai yeh kahna  unke liye jinki life sorted hoti hai ,ya shayad doosron ko sorted lagti hai. Can not say.. Kabhi itna experience hi nai kiya...pata nai hoti hogi life beautiful... " To pass negative comments like this ,is quite easy and keep feeling sorry about ourselves , we continue to compare our lives with others and make ourselves  feel more and more miserable..but we always forget that nobody has a perfect life, koi bhi aisa nai hota jise koi problem nai hoti, bas humein apni problems jyada badi lagti hain... Although we do feel  helpless,we have no body to whom we can  just  simply go and say what  we feel..ya even if we express ,they donot understand or give much importance about what we exactly feel. Life aise hi chalti rahti hai bus...Sometimes na , even if we  decide to feel positive... of course jo jyada  time tak continue nai kar pate..What I have experienced is ,we fail to accept life as it is,life jaisi  bhi hai , use waisa hum kabi bhi poori tarah accept nai kar pate ,kuch na kuch problem nikal hi lete hain. kuch na kuch reason nikal hi lete hain depress hone ke liye..kitne stupid  ho jate hain hum.What is required is to face the reality , we   simply keep cursing life and fail to see anything beautiful  in life. In today's  world most of us might  not directly see the goodness  of life ,but with fresh  minds we have to look for it,I personally feel in the long run sooner or later we all will realise "Life is beautiful, it was beautiful  and will always be".Actually  it is our shortsightedness and pessimistic  approach  towards life that stops us from living life to our full potentials..Now I feel people who donot see the beauty of  life are stupid and immature..
We as individuals  never tried to look at the very basic privileges we always had..even in the times of crisis..Most of the people even lack them..We may fail miserable multiple times but this is not possible that out of may be hundred ways  even one way will not work.
Once we accept life as it is ,we can move forward with the next step to face it..We all know accepting harsh realties of life is not a piece of cake  for everyone ,but we have to accept it..The thing is we have no way out ,sooner or later we have to move forward accepting it. So instead of wasting days,months and years of our lives cursing life ,we have to come out with a solution ..Once the disease is diagnosed  we can move forward to cure it..
It's  easy for a person with  a pretty  successful life to say, "Life is beautiful.." But why cannot we ordinary people with failed lifes (as it may appear to us) let's  say it first that life is indeed beautiful and we will  put our best foot forward to make life beautiful..and definitely look for ways to make it so.😊😊😊

Everything is mutual in a relationship..

Namaste  everyone,
Relationships are an  important part of every human beings life.
But don't know why and when they start becoming an emotional burden on the two individuals involved..
We keep on ignoring the signs that something is wrong ,something is lacking..The imbalance  in relationships  is definitely  caused  because either one of the partner  has taken all the load to continue  the relationship and the other one has definitely  started taking the relationship  for granted  or has no more feelings left for the relationship  or the other partner..
The thing that everything  is mutual  in a relationship is true to the core..and lack of any thing that is not mutual be it love ,care ,time, trust and most importantly respect will definitely leads to a failure in relationships.. Intially people usually find themselves  very happy, secure , respected and very  important  for the other..It is obiviously because both the partners  give 100% attention to each others needs and feelings..Moreover  they are mostly ready to sacrifice  their  own priorities  for each other ..They do it happily  and willingly  without any pressure or unease.
We fail to recognise that how can a relationship continue if the burden of its well being is purely on one of the partner's shoulders and the other is least bothered about the partner as well as the relationship..With each passing  day it becomes extremely  difficult  for the partner still fully emotionally  involved in the relationship  to carry on.. Because  there is no reciprocation of feelings from the other...
"A relationship  is a plant that feeds on mutual love,trust  respect and care..The plant becomes malnutritioned  with feedings only  from a single partner.."
How come emotional  expectations of one of the partner be met if other partner doesn't  bother or is least affected..The sole purpose of a relationship  is to make both the partners  feel loved ,respected and emotionally  secure..and not emotionally  dependent weak   and insecure.. Relationships  are our strength, they drive us through life's thick and thin with ease , happiness and comfort..They are not burdens definitely..If we are feeling like that..and fulfillment of each other's  expectations  from us appears to be a burden  there is definitely  something  that is not right.
This reasons  of disinterest of one of the partner or further both the partners being unaware of  little little things that matter for each other  is earliest sign of downfall of a relationship..
Things that give the other partner immense  happiness when no longer matter  for the other, It is definitely  a wrong sign..Because we can not be ignorant  to each others feelings and expectations if love and respect is there.. but  this is also true that most of the times if one of the partner decides  to carry on without any expectations the relationship simply lingers  on..but without any soul..
With due course  of time this concept of only one partner  carrying on, only leads to further bitterness ,disrespect and discomfort..One sided relationships are noway a healthy option..but sometimes  for ordinary people to gather courage to come out of a relationship is very difficult..
Emotional turmoil is not easy for anyone..Nobody can simply  live without love care and affection..It's  absolutely human  to crave for love,  care and a family.We have look for the red flags in relations and can not by any way  ignore them..Its not  that all relationships are bound to fail..Its our pure intentions towards the relation that will further decide that relationship  will survive or not ..  It is the responsibility  of both the partners  to take  care for each other's feelings and nurture the relationship and if you are not willing to take responsibility  of the other  as a  partner ,just stop continuing  to take advantage of other person's  feelings for you..
Feelings are definitely  pious, we shouldn't  hurt each other in any possible  way..Not everybody  in this world is blessed enough to get into real and pure relationships and people..In today's  world it is extremely  difficult  and rare..
Dear readers,please value your partners and relations..because our mere ignorance  or sometimes our own selfishness can also result us in  the failure of a relationship..Just trust,respect  and take care of your loved ones and please  do not take them for granted..I am not at  all in favour of continuing a abusive or dishonest or disrespectful relationship.. but give  your best to continue your real relationships and give value to your  loved ones..
At least your silly  faults or by noway your selfishness  be responsible for the failure of the relation..🥰💞

My below post further describes why people start taking others for granted??👇👇
https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/06/why-people-take-others-for-grantedwhy.html