Feeling helpless..but not hopeless..

Feeling helpless but not hopeless...

Namaste  everyone,
Life as a whole is quite different from what we feel and go through everyday  every moment..If somebody  asked me ," How are you feeling today??",one day I will  say fine some other day I may not feel that good ,will still say all good..but looking over a longer period of our past life  ,we will say as a whole everything is quite Ok. My family is fine ,all are well and healthy ,we  maintain a  normal middle class life style ,my kids are good  and amazing ..I love them and wish all the happiness of the world for them..but what the hell is wrong with me??
I donot  know what is going on in my mind..
I feel lonely,I donot know  what to do with my life ,I feel purposeless..Although I do have a lot of responsibilities..I can not just go away from them..I am really trying to find ways to get out of this mindset.. I feel sabke pass apna kuch hai karne ke liye,i do not have anything..
Over all these years giving least importance  on self grooming and personal development , I think is the reason of my situation right now..I feel helpless because  I am still finding ways to start all over again..but I donot feel hopeless,I am quite hopeful  about this..I will surely find a way out of this...,I started writing this ..just because mostly in today's lives people will start telling you have  everything , what all am saying are just plain negative thoughts...
I lack something ...I also donot know..right now,trying  to figure  it out...
May be am bored of the monotony of the work that I do,my kids are growing up,I have invested so much time in them over the past 10 years ,that I forgot to live for myself,as they are growing up ,they are becoming  more and more independent..  so may be I have time for these stupid thoughts now..as most people will judge me..
Whatever be the reasons,I feel I have to come out of the shell I have been living ..for soo long..
One more strange thing am observing is," all people around me are quite busy,they donot have a bit of idea what's  all going in my head right now..even if I tell them they will definitely  find it funny ,silly ,stupid or unimportant.." That does not mean they donot love  me but ,yeh jo picture banate hain na  hum perfect hone ki ,actually  fake hoti hai,we  also feel weak ,we also get disappointed, we also get sad..we also feel lonely..we also feel helpless..
The question now is What next??The answer although  easy to say but difficult  to implement  is to start again, take baby steps but do  make a start by making little little life style changes towards your goals ,that will really make you happy and feel complete 😊😊😊