My diary,my best friend ,Day 1

My diary,my best friend..

Namaste everyone,
My dearest diary ,the only real friend I have..Sounds strange but it is true..to the core..People will  be surprised  to hear this...As I have a full family life ,I have kids ,although I stay in a nuclear  family with my husband and two kids in Bangalore..I talk with my mother and with my  sister almost daily..I do have good neighbours also  and it appears that I do have a pretty normal life,and it is true also ..but the thing is about my thoughts  that continuously remind me of a unsuccessful life of mine and  that  bothers me, I lack a real purpose,but "everybody will be surprised  if I say I have nobody to talk to and I donot tell people what I actually feel but present a very fine version  that everything is pretty good.."
My mother will start scolding me if she somehow oneday reads it and will definitely  say that I am mad..Actually I am realĺy fed up of these superficial talks that say," Are You Ok" and the obvious anwer is ,"Ya , absolutely ".. 
I was always surprised  to see people being so socially  active ,they talk soo much..they may actually  feel free to talk ,They look attractive and good..They are very very active  on  Facebook  ,Instagram and WhatsApp...They share their personal life  on social media and feel comfortable about it..But on the other hand I never share anything on my social media accounts although I have them, for scrolling  into other people's  lives ...I donot have many photographs  of myself to change my DP daily ,some people change DPs hourly..I find it very strange..Its not that I am  telling them to stop because I donot do it ..But  I feel that they do live life and If they choose to or feel free to share it or even flaunt it that is absolutely  their choice..
But the thing that has started bothering me is , What is wrong with me?Why am I so introvert..Why can not I even change my DP ,may be because it will  allow people to judge how I look,how boring is my life if I share pictures on Facebook..Why am I  unable to express what I feel,what I really want..I donot know..
Actually  people around us also feel that our feeling like this is not at all important.. But now that I   have started writing  my diary,my only friend I really feel free now I have someone  to  talk to I donot have to sugar coat my feelings and expressions about things ,people and circumstances..It is surprising  , how I am expressing my feelings quite freely,as nobody is gonna judge me about my failed life so far..nobody will tell me that I am mad..about the way I feel about life , I  do  not have pretend  anything.. I need not fake my feelings..I have always felt ,Why I feel alone in crowd..I am looking for answers..my diary will help me find answers..😊😊

Why are we waiting for something to go terribly wrong with us??

Why are we waiting for something to go terribly  wrong  with us??

Namaste everyone ,

One  thing that disturbs me badly is.. why  we ordinary people  are not able to make a new start ,why are we so complacent  about ourselves..hum apne liye kuch karna kab start karenge.. kya hum kuch bahut galat hone ka wait kar rahne hain.. what are we waiting  for??"Are we waiting  for something to go terribly wrong??" Something very rude ,very insulting ,very demeaning.. reminding us of being worthless,fit for nothing...with no financial stability..no bank balance nowhere to go,as we become like ,we can not stand for a single day without others..  the list is endless...or we will try taking very very  little steps everyday for ourselves.
Take a simple example most people donot start working out or focussing on their health before they get real fat or their sugar levels go up or they start suffering from some disease...

Doing some thing that we love to do,we like..we feel happy about...we  feel complete doing... this is not the case that what we will  start to do  will start giving results  immediately... we will start earning  today itself  if we  are  doing it for financial  independence.. or  simply for feeling  fresh  and healthy.. goals can be different .... but we have to start... how much silly stupid senseless it may appear...but we have to make a start ,a new beginning..

That day should be today.. that time should be now...but gathering the courage is difficult  I know  I understand ,I have felt that.. we donot know the right direction to move ... initially even if we start,we can fail.i also failed..10 to 12 times..and finally I stopped  trying  in that particular  direction..did not do anything for months,  believing  that am not meant to do anything special or worthy for myself...Although I strongly believe  that I always give my best for others around me..but when ever it was  something  about myself I was not able to do anything..mere pass apne liye na hi time hai na motivation..
Over the years I have realised that even if want to do anything we are not fully equipped  to make a start..neither resources nor confidence..and moreover even if talk  about doing something new , even our closed ones feel disinterested ,  because of our past track record of failing most of the time...but the thing is without preparation,  we can not even pass a simple test..then how can we expect  to do great  without any proper  knowledge, practice and confidence and moreover we have left our studies  years ago..did not upgrade ourselves  for anything, never focused  on self grooming, self development or atleast having a hobby..These are the reasons for the failure  that we are facing today  , the main reason  being the lack of right attitude..no matter what ,just make a start..start learning something  new.. start

with making little changes in your daily schedule..so that you can atleast have 2 to 3 hours for ourselves...and then practice  practice  and practice , be consistent and patient and consistency  and patience is the key here...please ,please do not focus on results initially. it may take time.. but we all will be successful  for sure...😊😊

No time for our own selfs..

No time for our own selfs..

Namaste everyone..

Whenever we think we should start now, kahiin se toh start karte hain.. apni ruki hui si professional ya personal life ko,first thought that strikes our mind is.. "we donot have time.." arre humare paas toh time hi nai hai..kuch bhi naya  karne ka.. naya karna  toh door ki baat  hum log toh apne liye jo bahut jaroori bhi hota hai use bhi  karne ko talte rahte hain.. reason wahi.. ki , hamesha apni priorities ko apni family ki priorities se peeche rakhna..and is mei,  we do not do any favours.. aisa karna humein acha bhi lagta hai.. kyunki we do all this out of love and care for them... but  isi bhag daud  mei hum khud bahut peeche rah hate hain..hum apni life ko apni family par poori tarah  dependent  bana lete hain.. par actual mei hum aisa unke support system banne ke  liy karte hain ,taki woh log life mei   kuch ban payen ,kuch achieve kar saken..but hum ordinary logon ka kya  ??? 
Jo apni family apne bachon ko ordinary se extra ordinary banane mei lage rahte hain ,hamare sapne  bhi unki life successful banane ke liye hote hain.. hum ordinary logon ke sapne bhi hamare khud ke liy nai hote..aur is sab se humein khushi milti  hai..  aisa karne mei koi burai bhi nai hai.. par humein kuch hadh tak apne bare mei sochna hi padega..humein apni life ko koi real purpose dena hi hoga..jo humein real fulfillment  ki feeling dega, humein mentally strong banayega  and above all humein  har apne se jude logon ko aur better  way  mei emotionally and even financially  bhi support kar sakne ki  himmat  dega.. but of course road is not going to be easy...but we can start any time..... otherwise  kuch na achieve kar pane  ke sath sath yeh dukh  aur guilt rahega..ki kabhi kuch naya karne ya even sochne ki bhi koshish nai ki....😏😏

Failing the first selftest..all the time..

Failing the first selftest..all the time..

Namaste everyone..

Whenever we think of starting something new.. jab bhi kuch naya karne ka sochte hain.. hamara mind kya games khelta hai  hamare sath ... and apni is nai soch ko jo of course  abhi budding stage mei hi hoti hai.. sabse pahle  hum khud ke mind ke self test mei  hi  99% of the times fail kar dete hain.. kuch bhi naya kar pana kabhi bhi easy nai hota..apni comfort zone se bhar nikalna padta hai.. usse bhi pahle apne khud ke  mind mei , jo judgements chal rai hoti hain ,jo  mostly negative hi hoti hain.. un sab ko sideline karna padta hai.. jo kar pana hamare jaise ordinary  logon ke liye aasan nai hota .. maybe because hamara track record hi aisa raha hota hai..kabhi life  mei kuch achieve  hi nai kiya  hota.. poori zindgai  bus underconfident se ,shy se  bane rahte hain.. pata nai  kyun?? logon ki judgement  toh baad mei aayegi pahle apne aapko khud hi ek 'failure for life' maan ke chalte hain.. itna darte hain logon ki judgement  se jo of course  harsh hi hogi..  bahut kam hi supportive and positive hogi.. but iske liy hum kuch nai kar sakte ..but jo kar sakte hain woh yeh hai ki.. be little soft and supportive  to yourself also.. self pity khate rahna band karna hi padega.. agar sach mei kuch karna hai.. apne self test mei khud ko paas karvana padega..nahi toh aise hi chalte rahenge.. zindgai bhi chalti rahegi.. but hum apne minds mei kahin ruke se , stagnant se.. rah jayenge...
This mindset  is not healthy for anybody mentally nor physically..Something  needs to be done immediately..
We are not doing any good to any one by continuing  in this mental state..Being  like this we  all become easily  irritated , sad ,moody and silent  from within..We have to break this silence  ,we have to come out of the shell low self confidence and sense of unworthiness.. and for this start  feeling joyful of whst you are doing and start now..😊😊

Beginnings are silly..If i can make a start , you also can make it happen.

Beginnings are silly..

Namaste everyone,
I have  started  a new journey and somehow  I am  feeling very passionate  about it.. The thing I always wanted to do , it may appear silly to many people but for me it gives me immense  freedom to express what I feel about life , people around  me and in the world..  I want to tell people who are somehow hesitant  for their  own reasons and are never expressing or telling anyone, how they feel or go through  in their  respective  lives...If I can  start  a new journey, they  also can very well start..I know there will be hurdles, but I think together we can.
This is mainly because ,this is my personal  observation  that we ordinary people are not able to  help ourselves , but are always ready to be a support  for all others related to us...deep down we are faking  our own selves.. we are afraid ,we are weak ,we feel neglected.. but never ever express....by my posts I really want to motivate people  that if we can act as support  system of our loved ones ..why cannot we do the same for our own selves..let us do it for ourselves too..
Beginnings are going to be silly ,there is nothing unusual  about it..First thing we  are usually starting after  long breaks,we are  trying to regain confidence  that we  can also do something worthy and meaningful. 
We are doing something new we never did before. Everything for us is new..We are on a  learning curve as well..We have just started  to release  the pressure of judgement by others and also the  fear of failure..No matter how much strong we pretend to be ,deep down we  all are still afraid..there is no shame or harm in this ..we all feel scared..its only because we have not achieved  anything as yet..That is ok...believe  me..now we are  atleast ready overcoming fears, gaining confidence and   with a real urge to achieve something, we are looking for a purpose  to feel worthy, we are atleast moving ahead now..That is wonderful and of course commendable for ordinary  people like us..Isn't it..Soooo..keep moving forward...step  by step..but donot stop...If we  manage to continue..results are assured..Believe me..if I can,you all  also surely can. 😊😊

Indecisiveness / Seeking approvals all the time..

Indecisiveness / Seeking approvals all the time..

Namaste everyone,
We become  soooooo..weak and under confident  that whatever we do .. we seek approvals from others.. for each and every thing.. no matter how little it is or how important  it is for us...we can not proceed  without a nod from others..the sense of unworthiness  has gone so deep into our mind and thoughts that it starts showing up in all actions we do..
 Most of the people live their lives without even thinking a second for others  or for that matter  how their decisions  will effect others related to them.. how their  actions are disrespectful  to others ,how their  decisions  can harm others , how they many a times verbally abuse people for tiny tiny things..how they remind  other ordinary people of their  failures.. just because  we  the ordinary ones  have never  achieved  any thing.. nor we were expressive  or vocal   enough to  atleast express  what we really feel..

I think we ordinary ones are not the weakest but the strongest.. because  we are able to absorb everything  and still keep walking , bus chalte rahte hain.. aise hi aur yeh sab  rejections humein shayad  mentally weak karne ki jagah humein aur strong banati hain and this is because we people continue to act as support system to others because we know  how  it feels ,how badly it hurts  .. being rejected ,failing multiple  times is not easy.. I am telling you  it's not easy.. but still we continue to do so..because although  we are ordinary but not weak...but the thing is why we fail to show up when we need our own support. 
We lack consciousness about our ownselves...we lack consistency  in our own efforts towards our own selves..we do not value what we exactly want ,we donot respect our ownselves.we never ever prioritise  what needs improvement in our lives.. our lifestyle..our thoughts..our skills , our  hobbies,our happiness..
How can we pretend to do all these sacrifices  for our family or loved ones or due to any other possible  reason..when we fail to recognize what needs to be done for our own upliftment, we can not protect ourselves from our own mindgames and insecurities..but pretend to be there for everbody.. Although we pretend to be strong in front of others  we are actually very weak from within, we are under confident ,we have a lot of insecurities..neither we tell anything to others nor we  are strong enough to deal with them forcefully ourselves. We start living with a perception  that nothing can be done about our lives..we are failed lives..  nothing can be improved in us..and continue to be hopeless. Slowly and gradually we start being indecisive  about every thing that matters ,we lack confidence,we  start thinking  that we have not been successful  in any phase of life so our decisions also can not be in any ways correct or helpful to any body..and start to seek approvals for everything.. This no way going to help us or others..
With fears of  failing we stop to try..with fears of judgements we fear to live or express..this is totally  wrong..Living like this we are not doing any good to ourselves or to anybody that knows us..life is short we have to live it fully..nobody is perfect..there is nobody whose all decisions  are always correct..there is nobody who always succeeds and has never faced failure..thrre is nobody who has not felt sad,there is nobody who is never ever rejected .. Everybody has his or her share of sorrows and disappointments, everybody has some kind of fears and insecurities..but the one who decides to overcomebecomes successful..of course its not a one day process . It is a temperament  that needs  to be developed  within every human being  so that they can exercise  their  full poential..and live which ever way they want to ,live happily  and contented.. follow their dreams..😊😊

Why we never prioritise our own priorities ...??

Why we never  prioritise  our own priorities ...??

Namaste everyone,
My priorities  were  never related to me,I also sometimes donot believe this..Kabhi apne aap ko prioritise kiya hi nai ,bus doosron ke liy jite rahe..jismei kabhi aisa kuch galat bhi nai laga..kyunki lagta tha hamare family , bache ,sab unke liy  hi hain hum.. hamara apna kuch tha hi nai..apni koi baat hi nai ,apni khud ki na koi baat ,na koi  priorities.. jismei woh log khush ,hum bhi khush.waise yeh 'wohlog' koi door ke rishtedar nai hote ..sab apni first family hi hote hain.. iska main reason shayad yeh rahta hai  ki hum apne aapko unke liy itna jyada available  rakhte hain ki unn logon ko bhi hamari importance  nai dikhti ,ya phir hamne priorities  ki line mei khud hi apne aap ko itna peeche kar diya hota hai ..normal life mei jyada  so called 'ordinary logon' ko ismei  kuch bhi galat nai lagta,kyunki hum yeh sab intentionally  karte hain,pyaar mei karte hain.  apni responsibility  samaj kar karte hain ..ya shayad kabhi kabhi lagta hai hum itne weak aur bevakoof hote hain ,hum mei koi baat hi nai hoti,isliy shayad log humein prioritise karna zaroori nahi samjte.. aur  is liy hum bhi ordinary se bane hue jeete rahte hain.. na kisi se koi expectations na kuch.. infact humare jaise log apne aapse bhi kuch expectations nai rakhte..jo galat hai , par realize karne mei poori zindgai nikal jati hai...

Why being an average person is always ok..for us??

Why being an average person is always ok..for us??

Namaste everyone,
Being a average person.. does not feel that bad to we ordinary people.. we are ok with being average and ordinary  all our lives..unless some people close to us intentionally or unintentionally  make us realise that we donot have any self worth..We are fit for nothing people..In some cases our family or friends  do this intentionally  so that we start living for ourselves and do it for our happiness.. but mostly in middleclass  or even below middleclass  families people do verbally abuse  their not so talented people or ordinary people like us with no talent at all...and make us  realise that what a waste of life we are.. we are a asset to no one... we are no way productive..
But I must say ,from  which ever possible way ,we get the realization that "why the hell is it ok to be average all the time"..atleast koi ek single cheez toh hogi jismei hum  ordinary people will  also be good at.. bus we have to  search for it....
One thing am concerned  about very much  here is , why others in some way or the other, politely or abusively  make us realise...  why can not we have a self realisation, ki ab toh kuch karna hi hai.. why can not we make it a way of life.. everytime  dependency  on others ...jeena shuru karo yaar..,you will be laughing at me after reading this.. hum ordinary se log self realization ke badh bhi , yeh samjne ke badh bhi ki kuch karke dekhna hai, doosron se jyada apne liye bhi jeena chahiye," kya Karen kya na Karen iska suggestion bhi doosron se  hi lete hain.. 😕" itna low hota hai hamara self confidence.. kya ban jate hain hum ,sabka support  karne wale sabke liye acha sochte wale hum ordinary se log..apne liye ek sahi decision  nahi le pate...humein  yeh sab definitely  leave karna hoga .. sooner or later.. if we donot do it by ourselves  life has others ways to teach us.. "Are yaar...sirf paisa kamane ke liye nahi.. apni health,  apni self satisfaction  ke liye , start following  your passion, start doing  what you will love to do....and please yeh thought mind se nikal do ki it's too late now.. its never too late to follow happiness " ..start now😊😊😊

Being responsible,is it not important??

Being responsible,is it not important??

Namaste everyone,
I am not a very positive person,life mei ho rahi cheezon mei negative aspects pe jyada focus rahta hai mera, but aise perspective  ne muje kabi apne responsibility  nibhane se nai roka..humein life mei wohi karna chahiye jo  hamari responsibility  ke hisab se sahi ho. Har ek life  ke stage pe hamare sath ek responsiblity associated hoti hai, irrespective of our age , whether hum bachen hain,teenagers  hain,adults hain ,ya apni old age mein hain.If everybody fulfils his or her responsibility  chances of conflict  will be very reduced .As we feel responsible, we happy and we feel important  and of course mostly we will be acknowledged for doing what is right.Life mei bahut baar aisa hota hai ki hum samaj hi nai pate ki, kya decision  len,but agar hum apni responsibility  ko samaj  kar lenge toh us decision  ke galat hone ke chances kam rahte hai.. but aisa karna easy nahi rahta..kyunki aisa karne ke liye most of the times apne ego ko sacrifice karna padta hai.. yeh jo sacrifice type ki cheezen hoti  hain yeh hum apne bade hi closed logon ke liy karte hain ,yeh baat alag hai ki woh na hi us baat ko smajte hain ,na hi acknowledge  karte hain..par hum sahi karna chod nahi pate ,har din  ek nai beginning  karte hain..bus aise hi chalte rahte hain ..bina kisi acknowledgement  ke ,bina kisi appreciation  ke ..bina kisi importance ke..bina kisi self worth ke..

Only because hum yeh sochte hain ki "we live for our loved ones.. and  aise hi  jane kitne salon ki process mei we completely  lose ourselves.. aur  phir ordinary  ban kar  rah hate hain.." how much ordinary do we may feel about ourselves,but have you ever wondered that we never fail to do what is right,we never fail when it comes to  complete our responsibility. As  responsible persons we never fail as friends we never fail ,as  being a support for others we never fail,to love others we never fail, to help others we never fail..,we never break anybody's  trust..we are the goto person for people around.."
Then why we treat ourselves ordinary people  without any self worth  only because we are not professionally  successful or we donot earn any thing and we never prioritize  our ownselves..Think about it ...Donot underestimate  our ownselves, take charge of yourself also as you do for others..Make a start..now😊😊