Ordinary me...

Namaste everyone, 

I failed several times that too pretty miserably,I felt helpless ,I lost hope,I cried as well...But I realised even after this my dream is still the most important thing  for me..It is my identity, infact my dream is the only thing I proudly call as my own..I can not do without it..So I continued.. because this is the only way out...

"I waited for me , I did not come...After years, I came..Torn,Underconfident ,Insecure,purposeless.."

This was me ,years ago when I  knew something was really not right ,I was losing me ,My identity, My confidence..and still kept ignoring those very strong signals  of ever diminishing self worth and on the way I  kept compromising my self respect ,financial independence and confidence..for things..and people..and feelings that were obviously not long lasting..What was wrong with me...

Nothing  is forever.. Nothing is permanent, not even feelings or people very very close to us..Priorities change there is nothing wrong in it ,Problems  in relationships arise when it makes people to compromise their personal space ,value and financial independence. but still many people are somehow blinded by whatever  stupid reasons they give and finally end up broke both emotionally and financially..

Ordinary people find it extremely difficult to again even have a conversation with people whose true self has been shamelessly revealed.. This world ( our family ,our friends or any relationships we are involved in )  altogether suddenly become a totally different place if we fail to agree and adjust all the time...🤔🤔🤔🤔

Walking alone is not that bad,at least you need not seek approvals with each  forward step..There is no fear of judgements..You are 100% responsible for yourself and your actions...You are not dependent..You have your own pace and you need not be answerable to anyone..This is good..Really good...

Dear readers ,we ordinary ones were never that super talented, confident, outspoken or extrovert or even the lucky ones .We were the simple ,silly ordinary ones..I donot find it bad unless at some point of time we realise we  have to carve our way out in much much harder way then some others..( I am here noway demeaning the successful ones as I very well know everyone has their own share of struggles).

I am saying it's more difficult for ordinary ones is only because we ourselves spend years altogether only for the simple  realisation that our dream is also important and more importantly achievable...🤨🤔

 

Happiness is different from peace..

Namaste everyone,
My favourite lines
"Sukh hai alag aur chain alag hai,par jo yeh dekhnen woh nain alag hain"
(these are lyrics  from a movie named Luck  by chance)
Today this song got stuck in my head ,as it sometimes  happens with all of us ..but I was not getting  the song completely..but these lyrics were in my mind..
Like literally  if we look at  the essence  of life we will definitely  come to know that how different is happiness from peace....
We spent our whole lives in search of happiness..we look for happiness in love,money, career..or any other kind of our little little day to day wishes that very  rarely come true..but we somehow continue to look for happiness  in them all our lives...Even if we somehow achieve things we wish for in life happiness generated by them is very short lived..When one wish or desire is fulfilled  another pops up in our heads.. Actually  we all keep falling into this viscous trap of desires that  never get fulfilled completely and these are so endless that they keep on coming and going....The question here is , Do they really give us peace of mind..?? The answer as per my experience  is a No...because these desires are our wants not needs...

This never ending craving for fulfilling  our wishes or I should say wants keeps on bothering us.. Keeping us restless all our lives...
I am from a small town  and belonged to an average middle class family.. When  I got married we had nothing..everything we had was  on loan..at that time my thoughts were like ,me and my husband will together work hard and create a far far improved life financially but in reality it was never my personal priority..but a improved financial  condition  is a thing that everybody like me needs especially  for their children..It was  always my thought process that without love and family the happiness given by materialistic  things won't  be long lasting..After two and a half years of our marriage , my husband got a new job and we moved to Bangalore, we are now in a far better financial  condition..but it never gave any kind of happiness to me...
In due course  of time people  like us only prioritize money matters and forget our family far behind ...We donot have time for each other, although this is also true that we work hard only  for our family..but we are so mesmerized and blinded by this blind run for money and status that we ourselves  forget that how far behind we have left our family and loved ones..We really never felt peaceful and content even after getting so many things we once aspired  for... Everything appears fake...
The main reason behind this is we start looking for happiness in things and  not with our loved ones..Without our loved ones  no materialistic thing can ever generate happiness that is everlasting...

We actually  waste years of our lives in search of things that give shortlived happiness  and never peace..
Materialistic things money,luxury and career are important part of our lives but they are not our lives...
In this life we have  started giving so much importance  to materialistic  things but totally forget that without our family these things will give fake happiness and no content and peace of mind..

In today's  world we have a lot of things but no one to share with ..rather I should say nobody to share our feelings and emotions nor our so called luxuries...
Life is itself a luxury but without our family it makes no sense at all.. I also very well know that without a strong financial  status family also starts falling apart..but we have to create a balance...
Dear readers,even very experienced and succesful people fail to create a balance in life ..this must be because happiness and peace of mind should go hand in hand..but it happens very rarely that people are actually happy and at peace  because we continously expect happiness from  fulfilling our desires that are themselves not permanent and keep on changing with time,age or other day to day circumstances..How can a thing that itself is not longlasting  generate permanent happiness and further peace of mind?🤔🤔

 Me and my aspirations.

Namaste everyone,

My ordinary life  and ordinary thinking never made me realise that I never had something of my own...It was like living a purposeless life that too for years altogether thinking  my family's dreams are mine ,their aspirations  are mine...but very lately I realised it was 100% true that my family's happiness  and prosperity  was only thing I wished for in life...I was doing it happily, wholeheartedly and with full commitment, this was the only truth of my life...

But It is also true that am doing it now also and will continue all my life...but with a slightest addition that now I have a dream of my own as well and will follow it to achieve  what totally belonged to me...It may appear unimportant to others but not for me anymore..

I donot held anybody responsible for my own disinterest  in my own dreams...I had aspirations but those have nothing to do with me.. 

My dreams actually had nothing  to do with me..whatever I dreamt or even wished for, was for my family..I am not unhappy with this fact of my life...but the thing  where I lacked was, I totally ignored my own aspirations,my little little wishes,my own dreams, my own me time..As a part of a family ,as a mother,as a wife ,as a daughter, as a sister as a friend ,as a social person we all have responsibilities and we can not just live a selfish life..thinking only of ourselves and blindly running for our aspirations or dreams by plainly ignoring all others..I personally never justify that...and not appreciate others doing this..

We have to create  a fine balance...The thing is we have to take out  some time for ourselves completing our responsibilities with utmost sincerity... Following our dreams no way gives us the liberty to take irresponsible actions..

Dear readers, the only intention of this post is to motivate people  who ignored their own aspirations due to whatever reasons...its never too late  to begin  again..Start thinking about your dream, start working on your dream,start learning and educating yourself about your dream...start telling yourself that your life is also important, your dream is as important  as it is for others..You are also worth it..Nobody in this world has a purposeless,ordinary life..We all have a purpose and a worth..but that worth and purpose we have to first recognize ourselves then only we will be able to make the world agree to this...Past failures no more matter.. actually they never mattered.. It was only  us who gave unnecessary importance to these self demeaning and disheartening thoughts about our ownselves..as a result of which we continued to live a passive ,dormant and purposeless life without having any regrets..

 Life of an ordinary Housewife..

Namaste everyone ,

I am a housewife  for almost 14 years,I was a housewife out of choice initially because my family and kids were my only priority..The only thing I expected from life was prosperity,well being  and happiness of my family..I never expected anything else from life ..I  never had any personal goals or dreams...

With passing years,I never realised how much underconfident  I became in front of people outside my family..I started lacking any little little decision making capability.. I was turning dumb..It is not that I was not qualified enough (I am B.tech ,M.tech in Computer Science).The thing I lacked was I was least bothered about  my own self...

Being a stay at home Mom ,I started ignoring my looks  and my health as well..I was never very peculiar about how I looked ..Neither was I bothered to go with the trends as I was busy in the upbringing of my kids..The strange thing was I never felt anythimg wrong in this 100% dedication towards my family..My family also never noticed that how I totally ignored myself over all these years..May be they would have thought that I am the typical housewife types..As most of the people judge us as housewives.. Society is not  bothered if we carry on like this and keep on fulfilling our responsibilities...They donot have a slightest  clue or they donot care that how a person's individuality is lost in the whole process of running a family as a  housewife..

Love and care given by us 24/7 to our families is not done to get any thing in return, it is only done out of love and care...I am not at all saying that all housewives have troubled lives but one thing is sure that we are never prepared for anything (God forbid) bad in life..We lack decision making ,we donot know how to handle finances..We don't know how to handle the world..We only know about our house ,our kids and everything going on  inside the house nothing else beyond that because that has been our life  for so many years..We never bothered  to know about the outside world..Our house, kids and family is the only world known to us..

We never did any self improvement, grooming or any kind of personality development to face the real world...This is particularly the case with simple ,ordinary  housewives  like me..🤔😕🤔 

Dear readers, Total commitment towards our family is a thing to be appreciated and not a thing to regret for ....but keeping out a piece of life for  our own selves is the thing that should be added to our daily routines... Otherwise we ordinary housewives will definitely end up  as a lost,underconfident and insecure person...This 100% dependency on family both emotional amd financial is not at all a healthy option..It may appear to work in earlier times and also I should say in the initial years of married life but not all our life because when our kids grow up and we grow old, the whole scenario changes..Living a dependent  life is no longer  recommended in today's  world..

Dear readers, I want to motivate you today that ,Please start taking out at least little time for your ownselves on daily basis..It is not a thing to be avoided ..In today's world it's definitely  mandatory..Work on your skills,Work on your health..Stay healthy...Improve  your learning,Work on a hobby...Go for a walk...but Do spend some  time on yourselves for self grooming and development..😊😇

You can also  read my below  post to read about the feelings of housewives..

life-of-housewife.html

I want to Stop Pretending...

Namaste everyone,
A weird thought is really bothering me nowadays...or may be it was always there  and bothering  me deep within but I never ever  expressed it...As we always present a different and rather polished version of ourselves and that we are “Ok” but deep within we are not.. We pretend to be happy but we are not..my below post describes the things we should stop pretending ,start living fully  but as the way we are and feel..and for that we ourselves have to first accept us as we are..Below is the list of our daily pretensions...

• I am tired of pretending  a perfect picture of myself like most of ordinary people do...
• I always pretend to be the most adjusting one..
• I always pretend to be not affected by what other's intentional  or unintentional  comments..
• I pretend to be not bothered by my failed professional  life..
• I pretend  to be not bothered by treated as a extra who can fitin any where..
• I pretend to be happy  all the time..
• I pretend to agree mostly even  for things I strongly disagree..
• I pretend to be the one who can ever get angry..
• I pretend to be not bothered  about how I look..
• I pretend  to feel nothing..
• I pretend  to have no priorities, likes or dislikes at all..
• I pretend to always saying  "Yes",I  just can not say "No" to anyone..
• I pretend  to be not bothered  about not having a real purpose..
• I pretend to be not bothered about people never meeting  my expectations..
• I pretend to be not bothered about people not prioritising me  as I do to them..
• I pretend to be not bothered  when people ignore me or take advantages from me..
• In  nutshell I always pretend to be happy and strong..but in reality I am noway even near to that..

I have been like this  for almost 14 years..this was my thought process... But the good part is now that giving yourself to the world and sacrificing  your priorities  and needs is good to  some extent but in all this if you completely forget yourself, you will definitely  end up in deep emotional or sometimes financial  mess as well. Because slowly and gradually you will realise people mostly do not reciprocate  feelings and attention as we give to them..It further results in thoughts  like .."What is wrong with us?""Are we not worthy enough??"
How can we expect others to give us preference  when we give ourselves  the last?
Think about it...
 Sooner or later we have to give ourselves the nourishment of atleast little  self  confidence that we are worth it like every body else is .We have  to stop judging  ourselves and have to stop defining ourselves  as per other people's  definitions.. We can not be so harsh towards  ourselves  all the time..They donot even know us fully..  

We have been presenting a polished  and adaptable picture  of ourselves..We have to stop pretending... We have to start living  for ourselves  as well and most importantly we have to  come out of the shell of the image of the average adjusting one,who fits in every where..Think about it ,this struggle is real..🤔🤔

Everything was  about you... 

Namaste everyone,
Relationships that fail miserably definitely hurt people.. "Why  Relationships that were once so much cherished fail???😕🤔"
Something is obviously very very wrong...But when it comes to human emotions we all usually neglect a lot of( red flags)things that are actually  going wrong...

We ordinary  people are in relationships out of pure love and care but sometimes our best is not enough for the other..because  may be their expectations from us are way different  from  what we do for them or may be vice versa...
But usually relationships fail because any one of them acts so selfishly that he or she begins to even compromise  other's respect, trust and emotions badly with each passing day but definitely without a slightest of regret...and "Everything was about you" these thoughts keep haunting in the minds of the one who is still very much involved and still truly in the relationship..
Using people in the name of relationship is such an emotional exploitation  we do the other that  the damage caused can not be even measured and it takes a lot of time to heal, sometimes months, sometimes years and sometimes almost a life time...

How come people become  so insensitive to other person's  emotions and feelings with whom they were once in a relationship is beyond my understanding...
Sometimes one person hurts the other so badly that things can not be reversed and damage caused is permanent, in that case it is pretty understandable that people  can not stand each other,that is fine..I am myself in favour of that...but how can any person be in a relationship  where everything in the relationship is about a single person..and nothing is mutual...

Actuallly it should be not even you and me ,it should be US in a relationship.... How come only one person's wishes,desires,aspirations ,feelings,wants and career matter but the other has a place of just nobody who is somehow dragging the relationship  out of love for the other even after knowing that his or her thoughts and feelings have no place in  the relationship..but he or she is continuing because due to any possible reason, they don't want to loose the person they love...

When one person confronts the other after a lot of emotional turbulences ,when questions are asked  there are no answers ....consider the following  pointers..

Dear readers ask these questions to check  that are you part of really good relationship..

1. Why was my opinion unimportant all the time?

2.Why was left alone when I needed you the most?

3.Why were you not part of things or events or days which were very important to me?

4.Why was I always  the one to say sorry even mostly without my fault?

5.Why was I  never as important  as you were to me?

6.Why was I your last prioritiy?

7.Why was  me ,my feelings, my achievements, my failures unimportant to you?

8.Why was I always the one who was adjusting, adapting and compromising?

9.Why was I abused and insulted in front of others?

10.Why were you not even willing to give your time and attention whenever I felt low?

11.Why you were never bothered that I stay or leave?

12.Why you were not even true to me in any sense?

13.Why you used me?

The answer  to the above questions is all the same that , "Everything was about you"

Comparing our own lives to others..

Comparing our own lives to others

Namaste everyone, 

"As a very ordinary person with nothing special about us ,we never compared our life to other much more successful  people around us..."

I am not at all exaggerating or saying something  for the sake of getting appreciation or to any way prove something to anybody..This has been my thought  process all my life and will always  be... I must confess here ,although I never did any comparisons but I was definitely amazed by other people's lifestyles...I used to wonder how come they achieved so much in life..But I forgot the ugly truth that I was myself never bothered about my aspirations from life..I was rather ignorant towards my ordinary and purposeless life...Maybe we often say I was destined  to have a pretty  ordinary life...but question here is ,Do we silly people ever bothered about our ownselves??.. Now after years,I realised this..When I started looking forward to the purpose of my life,my achievements, my accomplishments and my earnings.... I not to my surprise, got "NOTHING" as the answer...Sad but absolutely true...

Dear readers, although I was always a late starter ..but I definitely  want to say to everybody  who is reading this that,"Please have a dream,follow it with all your heart ...Don't ever stop working on yourself no matter what circumstances or phases of life you are going through",

otherwise it becomes extremely difficult to start all over again after years of inactivity..This I am definitely telling from my personal experience of life...

But I very well know most of us feel depressed and uncomfortable when we compare our lives with others...this  obviously  indicates we are not satisfied we with what we presently have and want to become someone that we are not...

There is thin line between  being jealous and envious about others...

Dear readers, I very well know that ordinary unsuccessful people like me have not achieved much but we do have some dreams and it noway implies  that we want to become what others are..This is our own journey...When we will be successful  in our own sense  even then  we will not become some other individual..we will still remain unique in our own sense as all others are in this world..but most of us forget this and in our life's journey accompanied with many failures we forget this and want to become something  else and forget our own strengths and weaknesses in this blind race to become like some other successful  individuals...

The most important  life lesson that I  personally  feel is everybody in this world has its own timeline and a entirely different set of struggles..we all have to face ups and downs during different  phases of life...Life never follows a preset pattern of struggles and successes for everyone, so how can we compare our lives to others when we are in a stage of unsuccessful life and someone else is pretty successful while going through his or her own set of struggles...🤔🤔

While seeing other people's  social media profiles  and photos of course  something strikes in everybody's mind that others do have a far better life than us...It happens with all of us..We find their houses,career,lifestyle and even their family far better then ours and we subject ourselves to a state where we find our own lives meaningless, totally unsuccessful and obviously very very mediocre...

But we forget to see the hardwork made by others to achieve all that...I also admit that in most cases it can be a luck factor as well,I am not denying that ....

Even if today we are having a mediocre, purposeless and failed professional  or personal life,can we not find a single thing in our life that is the best blessing we have and others may be deprived of??🤔🤔

When I personally started Looking for it ,I found many many blessings and things..in the form of my children,my family..I agree that I was never successful professionally..but I do have a lot of personal  things to cherish and live for..

But dear readers, this doesn't  give me the liberty to continue to live a failed professional life and do nothing about my dream and aspirations that I compromised over all these years..Some people compromised personal life for professional and some others did the opposite..That's why  I am saying no individual's life can be compared to the other..Even all children in a family have entirely  different lives,although  they were subjected to same upbringing  and equal opportunities by their parents..Life is like that..

And moreover we never compare our lives to others when we are successful, these 

comparisons come when we ourselves are on the losing side...This is human nature..Another important thing I found is when we are unsuccessful and ordinary we do all the comparisons and keep on piling all negative  thoughts in our minds but fail to  look for ways to get out of that situation..To improve, to learn,to navigate to positivity should be  our priority, not to become better in comparison with others but  with our own pastselves...

Dear readers,this is the only way out..otherwise these thoughts of comparisons will always leave us very weak,worthless and a failure for life...😕😕

Sometimes giving our best is not good enough..

Why giving our best is not enough??

Winston Churchill, one of the greatest statesmen of the twentieth century, once said, “Sometimes doing your best is not good enough.Sometimes you must do what is required.”

Namaste everyone,

Why our best is not good enough????...one of the most common trait of we ordinary people is that ki hum hamesha apna 100% dete hain, har choti se choti cheez main.. but for  most of the people  around us  it's just not enough...
Shayad  hamari unimpressive life ke efforts unko worth it hi  nahi lagte.. actually ab yeh sab soch kar muje yeh sab funny bhi lagta hai.. kyunki jitni energy  and effort  hum doosron  ke liy lagate hain uska kuch percentage  khud par laga dete and apne liy kuch karte,apne liye kuch time invest karte.. but nahi.. humein toh sabki fikar hai , bus khud  ki nahi.. 
Aisaa karte karte hum yeh bhool jate hain ki jab hum khud hi complete nahi.. how can we help and support  others..Hum kuch intellectuals, achievers or some kind  of business people nahi hote na.. and na hi kabhi kuch extraordinary  achieve kiya hota hai...and actually  jin  life ke contributions se money generate nahi hoti , duniya unhein importance  nahi deti and starts taking  them for granted.. and woh little tiny si tit bits  jo hum ordinary category wale log roz apni family and loved ones ke liye karte hain... nobody gives any importance...but kyunki hum ordinary  hain koi specific talent bhi nani hain..  but hamare apne log ,hamari family yeh bhool jati hai ki yeh life ki choti choti si cheezen hi humein karni aati hain.. aur kuch nahi..apni whole life yehi toh kiya hai..living for others .. aur kuch aata hi nahi.. par everyday hum apna best dete hain despite of being in bad mood or even being  ill..most of  the times nobody  even notices  and our best is not enough  for them...😒😒but now that we realise   all this ,we have to make a new beginning..😊😊
Look through  the following  post  to realise even our best is not good enough  but in that case also we can never  giveup on our responsibilities  and we will continue  to do what is correct and most importantly  what is required...
https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/05/being-positive-or-being-responsible.html

 Regressive thought process of Indian housewives?

Namaste everyone,

In India About 86% women who experienced violence never sought help, and 77% of the victims did not even mention the incident(s) to anyone..

During the first four phases of the COVID-19-related lockdown, Indian women filed more domestic violence complaints than recorded in a similar period in the last 10 years.(source, The hindu)

 Don't know what is wrongwith with  our own society and people around us...People usually  take for granted others  without whom they can not even survive... They usually  undermine the importance of people who are actually  the backbone of their lives...Although these people work for us in the back end  but we fail to recognize their importance because they are willingly available 24/7..These are our greatest Indian housewives..(I am using the word Indian here  because am not aware of any other cultures or people other than my own  country)..

I am myself a housewife  for about 14 years....I agree to this very fact that housewives tend to tolerate things  that in normal cases nobody will tolerate.. and continue the relationship  tolerating verbal and in some cases even physical abuse.The following list might summarize it:

1.First and most important reason of tolerating abuse is their  kids..They donot  want to  give their children  a disturbed childhood..

2.The  fear of society is so much in them , they continue to tolerate  abuse in the closed doors of their homes. 

3.The fear of hurting their parents and further future of their siblings stops them from taking a progressive step.

4.They are not financially independent, so they find it difficult or rather impossible to leave their abusive husband or family.

5.They are  not confident and qualified enough to make a living for themselves and their kids..

6.In some cases housewives  even are willing to forgive infidelity done by their male partners ,just for the sake of  continuing and obviously for the fear and shame of society..Most importantly it is done for their children..

The above thought process exists there is no doubt in it..It is definitely regressive...I always thought of running a help center for such women  so that I can somehow help them to come out of this very situation..But unfortunately  neither I am in some Goverment position nor have enough money to run such an organization...That is a different  matter..but my point here is when we housewives will gather enough courage to stop any kind of abuse against  us..For how long women will keep on giving excuses  of being incompetent, weak,insecure and not being financially independent  as the reasons to tolerate any kind of abuse be it verbal or physical🤔🤔

Dear readers, especially housewives  ,Please donot have a regressive mindset..Today you might feel insecure , incapable and incompetent to face the world but that noway gives others the right to abuse you  in any possible way..Raise your voice..You will get the solutions once you start looking for it..Donot compromise your pride and self respect for ruthless abusers..Start living for yourselves..Give yourself  a chance..Things will work out..First free yourself if you find the situation is no way tolerable..Your kids and family will also eventually  understand . It is noway justified to tolerate  inhumane things..Sought help..Raise your voice..😇😇🙏🙏