Finding myself in this chaos of life...

Namaste everyone, 

What kind of mindset I have??

I mostly  felt sad, failed, uncomfortable, surprised,confused , insecure, underconfident, restless, purposeless and ordinary..but there was no way out of this..Chaos of life is overpowering me , now even important life events  underwhelm me..I feel lonely...Don't  want to share any feelings  with anybody..

 Dear readers,I have felt the above feelings and many ordinary people may have felt the same or still feeling the same way.. Reasons  for these feelings are both external and internal...but the thing that I also realised  very lately was that  our external envionment and things done to us by other people is not in our control ,they anytime unexpectedly  hurt us but how we felt from inside was the only thing important . It was our reactions to the external stimuli  that made our situations worst ,We failed to realise this basic fact and continued to live a depressed life...

I was myself never important to myself neither my aspirations..I felt no purpose and more importantly I  felt unworthy for any damn little thing...

Dear readers ,This above mindset is not at all good,You shouldn't fall into this trap of negative feelings and complexes ,they will not take us anywhere but simply drag us deep down into feelings of more and more worthless.. And surely we become worthless and purposeless with passing  time because we are not at all doing anything except for cursing ourselves and our negative situation... We have to get out of this negativity because it is not real but life is real and precious ...We just can not waste it ,sitting idle and thinking thoughts of unworthines and loneliness...

Work on yourself ,try to keep yourself  busy in things you really want to do,It doesnot matter how insignificant and silly it appears to others... While you are in transition state of coming out of dark zone and just beginning or I should say thinking of starting something new donot judge yourself so early and donot rush looking for results..Give yourself time and you can easily see imporovement with each passing day..Most importantly keep a check on yourselves donot let any negative feelings overpower you..

This sense of a failed life that we always had will definitely  begin to vanish with each passing day as you start focussing on yourself and your dream...Of course this will take time..but atleast you will be moving ahead and will not be  anymore stuck in your mindmade pool of negativity and sense of unworthiness..

Dear Readers , It's extremely  difficult to find a tiniest possible  peaceful space that only  belongs to you in this world unless you continue to live without any focus on yourself and your dreams..Think about It..Donot waste your lives....You are not Late, Just start..

Come out of your comfort zone...

Namaste everyone,
Living a failed life is easy ,we need not do anything, eventually  we will definitely be  livi g a worthless and purposeless life....I know  only being sarcastic  can not drive people or motivate them to do what they really want to achieve in life.
But the thing is to get a fruit we have to plant a seed, soil our hands, nourish the plant daily and when the right time or  season comes the plant will become a tree and bear the fruit ...Its not a one day process nor it can be achieved if we continue  to only think of getting the fruit but without planting a seed..
This is the simplest  comparison I can make with the lives of individuals who do have dreams but do not want to invest their time and effort  to it.. Although  reasons of  a stagnant life that lacks purpose can be manifold..like  for example the person lacks  the courage  to start ,the person fears failure badly or is very underconfident..or is lazy enough  to come out of his or  her comfort zone to start afresh ..or can even have social fears  to restart but it's definitely  the worst thing we do to ourselves...

But if you really want to  succeed  you have to start coming out of your comfort zone...Only dreaming can not give assurance  that you will definitely  succeed..mind it you are no way near it..
Even if you are some of the few privileged  ones with lot of  parental fortune.. a stage will eventually  come when you will realise..I have to achieve  something  that is my own...
This is  the triggering  point, I believe once you start having that urge of achieving  something  that you really own you yourself  will drive yourself to your goal (of course  as a result of continous underlying  effort the  success  achieved  will be most satisfying  ever). This satisfaction  will inspire you move  further daily...to not stop..dream bigger..the main advantage of this is that it definitely gives life purpose to get up daily and  follow your dream...
I personally  had zero confidence  and no courage at all to restart..for me years passed like this..for me they were around 14 years.....I always had dreams to do something magical that really satisfies  me  deep within ,I want to own my dream completely ,I want my sons to feel proud  about their  mother..I want my husband to feel proud about his wife...
I  had dreams but never had the courage  to follow them  ...This  was my reality...I was never ever bold enough  to come out of my comfort zone..I was lazy...I was shy..I feared society, something was really disturbing  me.. but with the monotony  of life, a exact same daily routine and with my kids growing up.. I realised I didnot have any purpose  all my life...
Every thing I have is a real God's gift to me..my  sons ,my husband...my family...our house..our assets,our apartment..but I don't  own them ,they  are given to me as a privilege...I know some people will say  we as house wives contribute in  all possible  and relevant  ways other than monetary ones.. we also have equal shares in households..I agree...But something  is really missing..
I would like to share a short story here..It was my son's  birthday and a very happy day for me and our family..My husband.. bought him an expensive  drone..and told him,"Can your mother ever buy such an expensive  gift for you,It's  me your dad who  can afford that for you"..May be (  I am giving him benefit  of doubt that he doesn't  mean to hurt me that way)this comment  was unintentional... but but but ...wait..it hit me so hard... deep within ,really I have no words to explain the pain  I felt..and so many years of endless day and night's contributions  vanished..I  felt unworthy...I felt the  ill effects of losing financial  independence due to whatever reasons..I was sad ,I was crying within but couldn't  express as it was my son's  birthday..but couldn't  sleep that night..
As days passed  I started  realizing  why can't  I make a  new beginning...I know I was not that active..or  extrovert types  that can easily ask for help and restart..I was definitely  not able to figure out where to start..I felt real darkness  as far as my professional  career  was concerned..I was not qualified  enough  ..I was not skilled enough..I had left my career years back.. Restarting  was not easy..but now that I have taken writing  and blogging  as my professional  career..my sole motive is to motivate people ...Please  donot lose hope at any stage of your life and gather the courage  to restart...It may seem impossible  ,but once you start things  will definitely  start  falling into place ..each day will be better than the previous... making a new start for yourself  is possible  for everyone. Dreams can be converted  into reality once you decide  to come out of your comfort zone...I am not telling  bookish things to you..If I can(the most ordinary  person) ,then you all struggling out there definitely  can..😊😊

Communication gaps.. in Relationships..

Communication gaps in relationships..

Namaste everyone,
I was thinking today ,many a times in relationships especially in grown ups or adults , we people reach a stage where we have nothing to say or tell to each other..we  try  to block all communication  channels with each other....

I know this does not just happened in a day or so.. reasons can be small or big..and problems can be both sided..but this is what is exactly happening ???Initially  even if we get annoyed for any thing mostly those were little little things  ,we will get angry or sometimes simply acted  that we are angry..we tried to talk ,hum baat karte the,ek doosre ko manane ki koshish karte the,baat kiye bina toh rah hi nahi sakte the but as relationships  get older with passing days , months and years people become so insensitive  to each other , what the other partner thinks(woh kya sochte hain),How the hell they actually Feel not pretend *kaisa feel kar rahe hain) ,What is actually bothering them( koi  baat unhen bother toh nahi kar rahi...),What are the reasons for them to  feel low..(woh kyun low feel kar rahen hain..) All this  usually the other partner fails to recognize..Reasons can be manifold..*iss baat ke reasons kuch bhi ho sakte hain..)I am not saying the other person will be  completely  at fault..but how come as partners,  people who have been  in solid relationships  fail to understand and feel what the other partner is going through..
Why the hell we start taking our partners for granted..as if they are there  and won't go any where..but this  total lack of compassion is further increasing  the communication gap between the two partners.. and weakening the relationship  to the extentthat nobody cares about each other (ki kisi ko koi fark hi nahi padta..)
If one one partner realizes the other one is in some sort of emotional trouble, than  half the problem is solved ..they can easily motivate and  comfort their partners ..so that one of the partner who is feeling  low whatever may be the reasons can restart..Although it happens very rarely. The communication gap becomes so wide  that people simply stop bothering about each other..they simply donot care..
Actually I personally  feel if one of the partner is not working  this is quite disturbing and saddening for them...one partner who is working  is busy but the other one is in emotional  turmoil..he or she might start feeling lonely  and depressed... they dont see a path ahead..because if  ordinary people are usually so much  emotionally  invested in their partners..this insensitive  behaviour  of the other is mentally  not acceptable  to them.. and  one more thing is that,  they donot have the guts to say  any thing..We should never forget communication  is the basis of every relationship. we should talk and express our feelings to each other..relationship  is not a  one day game.You did everything  right it's done for few days or months ,it's  not like that..everyday we have to conduct it in a manner cordial  for both the partners..

First.. we have to  make each other feel wanted  loved and important.. 

Second most important thing is , I always emphasize  on nurturing our own selves.. to become better joyful human beings so that ups and downs of relationships  does not affect us much..In every kind of relationships we have to give each other space ,everyone knows this fact.but we fail to understand the underlying importance of the fact that we as individuals  have to nurture our own selves in this space of ours.This is not only important  for our own personality development  but also help us to maintain a healthy relationship..We have to overcome our insecurities and then only we are able to communicate  to each other as equals..In addition as we are confident and happy individuals  we can be great partners and understanding of each other will be strong. Even if most of the ordinary people like me have not started nurturing  their own selves,they can start now..😊😊
Dear readers ,please donot have these feelings that doing something  that makes ourselves happy and joyful  is a selfish act..only happy and contented humans can be better contributors to relationships  and to the society  as a whole..this is my personal thinking..Hope you can relate with this..
😊😊😊

Why to Force Someone To Stay?

Forcing Someone To Stay.. 

Namaste everyone, 

Dear Readers Reading my blog..

We all need our relationships as a backbone of our lives, we simply can not do without them...but things are not always as they appear...This is 100% true that we can not do without our relations... Relationships are our strength and inspiration for moving forward in life but broken relationships  also have huge negative impact on emotional well being  of simple ordinary people..who  are very much emotionally dependent on them..
But the thing is forcing people to continue a relationship  is a absolute disaster..we do not only do to ourselves  but to the other partner  as well..
It is absolutely  fine to make certain compromises or adjustments to make a relationship  work..but when such a stage comes ,when any one of the partner  has to compromise his or her self respect that too multiple  times just for the sake of continuing  the relationship is not at all acceptable..

If love ,care ,trust and respect are not naturally  part of a relationship and we all the time have to force things to happen...something is definitely  wrong...
Everything is so natural and easy in a pure relationship.. Loving ,caring ,respecting  and giving importance  to our partner can not be dictated  or forced ,it very naturally flows through ,if both the partners  are  totally committed and are in love..
"Forcing  someone to stay..even after knowing that what are the feelings  of the other is hurting our ownselves  more and more.."
In a forced relationship we expect things that can not be fulfilled obviously because there are no real feelings and as a result  we continue to become more and more emotionally weak..
There is no love when everything is pretended and artificial ..
Forced relationship results nothing more than disappointments,agony ,depression, hate and sadness..because person who is forced into the relationship  will never be able to meet the emotional expectations of the other..
Further disturbing our mental peace...we are expecting a person to take care for us,noticing  our little little things,respecting us ,trusting us and valuing us but we very well know that he or she does not even love us in the first place..Isn't it worst possible behaviour we are doing to ourselves...🤔🤔🤔
Forcing people into relationships is like  polishing and painting a fully rotten thing.. It may look good for sometime but eventually things will clear up..We have to get over our own insecurities and somehow gather courage to move out of a forced relationship..This is for our own protection..because forced relationships usually  turn abusive either  emotionally  or may be physically  as well.It may appear tough initially, but it is for our own good...
Neither we should be part of such a relationship nor by any means force others to be a part of it...This failed relationship will bring absolutely no happiness to any one involved..so accepting the real feelings of each other as they are and not forcefully is the only solution..
Nobody can make another person love or trust or respect the other person..if he or she does not have those feelings naturally...He or she may pretend it but those pretensions and of course the relationship will be shortlived and very painful...Accepting the truth is the only way out..It will be definitely difficult for one of the partner whose feelings were true..but with time this walking out will truly be beneficial for both the individuals involved...
Dear readers,although we ordinary  people are very much involved in relationships as they are very important for us,but once repeatedly knowing the disinterest of the other and his or her indifferent behaviour and real intentions, it is our responsibility towards our ownselves to get over it and start afresh..I know it is not easy but staying in such a relationship is even worse..We have to come out of it somehow..A failed  relationship is not the end of everything...In my personal opinion it's definitely  a God's way of protecting us..😇😇

 My life,without me

Namaste everyone, 

"Seems strange and annoying  but is a truth that we ordinary people live a life that is purposeless but more importantly we live a life that has nothing to do with us or our aspirations..."

"Am I  living a life, without me?"Looking for answers of strange questions like this disappoints us but usually we are not able to find a way out..

Strange but absolutely true,this has been our only way of life..Nothing bothered us initially..Living a life that has nothing to do with ourselves will sooner or later result in big void in our own lifes.. Think about it..🤔

Sometimes we get natural realisations and many times we get forced realisations by others that keep on reminding us of our purposeless ordinary life..

"When it is self realisation it is not as painful and insulting as it is when people undermine us,insult us or abuse us or fail to recognize our contributions because usually people value and respect monetary contributions  by others in their lives.."

Dear readers,"Time will fly away ,years will pass..Start valuing yourself... Nobody else can do it for you....Following a dream, doing what you really love to do and feeling happy doing it,is no way acting selfish.."

We just have to  start making efforts on self grooming and development..We have to move with the time, we never improved or worked on ourselves for years altogether,we are still with our qualifications and skills that we acquired years back..So it clearly indicates we are incompetent and incompatible according to today's world..but if we have decided to restart and we are serious about our dream and our dream is important to us , instead of judging ourselves harshly we should start working on own ourselves...

Working on ourselves  requires a lot of effort and determination.. In addition to this we have to get ready for the harsh judgements of the world and fears of failure...Because we have been inactive professionally and have been living a pretty ordinary and simple life without any aspirations or dreams..We never thought we are capable  enough..This thought was the only major hurdle in the way of our own dreams as per my experience and thought...

Strong Determination is the only  thing that can drive us  to our goal..Commitment and  a desire to prove ourselves to our own expectations and then to the world can imbibe immense energy and motivation in us...😇😇👍👍.

You can  read my below post as well for the importance of having a dream in life.My Dream is Important To me.

Alone as always....

Namaste everyone,
I know something wrong is definitely  going on in our heads..when we start having this feeling that we are "Alone as Always..."
Life is full of failures and disappointments for weak and underconfident  people..It's a truth and I have felt it...but some how we continue...but actually we are not achieving anything ,not even reaching anywhere.. It appears as if we are simply wasting time and our own precious life doing nothing. We are just passing time by wasting it..
Sometimes this stagnant life of ours makes us  feel like a unfit for the world..We start feeling lonely...
Alone as always ,becomes our life mantra..These saddening thoughts keep on coming and we keep on demeaning our ownselves unless and untill we take real charge  of our lives...
Dear readers, life is not meant to be wasted, living a purposeless, meaningless life..I have been through  this feeling  of lacking the real purpose  in life for years...For simple ordinary people like me it is  not something  uncommon...
It's  not that we are suffering  or any thing like that..but a weird feeling that bothers us is  that ,What is our own worth ?What are  we good at?What have we really earned in life? What is the purpose of our life?

Answers to all the above questions  is nothing... absolutely nothing..😕😕
I know it is not easy to accept a pretty much failed life and getting along with it, is not easy.. sometimes we spend years without realizing  it like dumbs,  but once this feeling of unworthiness crops up in our minds, it really makes us very helpless and restless..
But instead to slipping into these depressing thoughts we have to somehow get over it..We have to start doing something fruitful.. something that  makes us happy,contented and little more confident about ourselves..
Working on ourselves ,working on our interests, and enhancing them is the only way out..It will definitely  not happen suddenly but if we will not start, it will never happen for sure..It's  difficult, very difficult..I admit it but not impossible...On our way we feel Alone as always...but slowly  and gradually with some simplest yet brightest feelings of accomplishments  will fulfill all the emptiness... within us..with continuous hard work and not loosing hope on ourselves...
Forget about the world it was us who were really responsible for our  own downfall,we ourselves left our own aspirations, desires and dreams far behind in life...
It is also true that we all are alone in our struggles...but we have to gather courage not for anybody else butfor  our own selves...😇😇
I personally  feel restarting after many years and living a simple purposeless life makes us so very underconfident  that we feel so hesitant to share our own thoughts ,feelings  and aspirations   with anybody else..Fear of failure and again going back to our stagnant,   monotonous and purposeless life scares us..because  believe me restarting was very difficult  for a ordinary  person like me... and we are no way mentally ready to face  failures again... at this point I  may not have achieved  anything,but hope is still alive..and I am putting  efforts..Hoping that my readers will relate to this.💞

Handling rejections in Life...

Handling  rejections in Life...
Namaste  everyone,
We all are living a social life,with people around us..so many things  are happening  around us on daily basis with each passing  moment.... 

Multiple thoughts are in our heads going on simultaneously....
Some things work out for us ,some don't..Some people like us ,some don't..We like some..and dislike some others..We want something but get something  else mostly..We love very few and very very  few love us..We are really important  to very few..and similarly  for us also very few are actually  important....We expect something ,get something  unexpected..With happiness  ,sorrows, failures and very little success , life goes on  and on. Days pass ,months pass and so does years...

One very important  realization  that I had as a result of my own purposeless ordinary and non aspirational  life is with all the chaos going on in life ,we all some how continue..but.. but..but..the thing that really derails our spirit  to live a normal life  are rejections...
Rejections,be it in our love life ,in our professional life ,be it in academics..be it in any thing...that matters  for us...it is  really hard to absorb...
Nobody likes to be rejected...It feels as such an insult that it totally shatters our self esteem  and confidence...We feel unworthy...disspointed..lost...It definitely  hits hard...It shatters our own belief  that, We can also achieve  something..We can also dream..Dreams do come true...
Mostly when we get rejected we donot want to face the world..Mostly with ordinary  people handling rejection is definitely  a total disaster..All our fears appear to come true...All our fears that stopped us all our lives from doing what we really wanted to achieve, start appearing  to be absolutely true..Its not easy...
We tried hard..We expected something for ourselves..We expected to fulfill our dream for the first time in life..We are ordinary people ...Facing rejection is not easy for us or anybody in this world...
I know it is very easy to preach that we have to start again ,we can not lose hope..we have to work much more harder..but "I am really falling short of words to explain  the worst feelings of getting rejected and that too multiple times..I am finding it damn difficult to get over it.."
Dear readers, Its not that rejections are not common, we all get rejected  in one thing or the other..and we all do carry on as well..but without anything substantial that we can relate to  or I should say without anything that belongs to us or is purely  our own achievement continue to follow  your dream is teally difficult..It is a ferocious mental struggle..that we ordinary  people continue to battle all our lives..😕😕 I know  these feelings of rejection are not easy to handle..Rejections  are demotivating to the extent that  they  have definitely  stopped many many deserving and talented people  from following  their dream..But we have chosen not to stop ,to carry on..I know it is becoming  more and more difficult  with each rejection that we get..but somehow we will gather all the shattered  pieces  of our dreams and continue  to follow our dream..which is important  to us..
You can read this post for the importance  of our dream in our lifes..my-dream-is-important-to-me.html

You can also go through  my below post about how long we should wait to get  success 👇👇how-long-we-should-wait-to-get-success.html

Quitting  is easy,hanging on is extremely  difficult..

Namaste everyone,
 We all have been through  different  kind of struggles in life ,be it professional  or personal ..but if we somehow gather  the courage to hang on ,these struggles  will definitely  fade away one day..but if we decide to quit , those weak times which may have become the milestones of our life will be like any other day of our pretty ordinary  lives..
If we are able to gather little courage and belief  that we are not going to quit ,no matter what,sooner or later we can achieve  what we want..but if are not able to overcome our fears we will definitely  not reach any where...
I know it is not at all easy but is definitely  worth it...Struggling hard for your dreams is not easy but it really gives unimaginable sense of satisfaction  and self worth..when we achieve  things we always dreamt for..
When we decide to quit because  we fear failure or we can not work hard enough or due to any other excuse or reasoning we give to ourselves,our dreams can never become a reality,this is for sure..
When we decide to quit because we decide to  enslave  ourselves  to our weaknesses and whatever circumstances...but most importantly  we forget,   
"What are we doing to our lives,to our dreams and to our own expectations  from life ,forget about the expectations  our loved ones have from us..?"
Obviously choosing  the path of quitting  was easier, we were definitely  weak and
underconfident..or I  should say  our own dream  was not important  enough for us to hang on...
Everybody  knows the struggles  are real,nothing is easy..with each passing moment  we have go through  various kinds of tests that life throws at us..but we decide  to choose  a stagnant life and instead of making a come back we  decide to quit..
Many or I should say mostly ordinary people wasted their lives because at some moment  of their struggle  towards their goal they decided to quit..
 Dear readers,

• Why we  have become so ignorant  towards our own expectations  from life?
• Why we decide not to follow our own dreams?
• Why we decide to be ordinary and average all our lives instead of trying again?
• Why we ourselves  are our least priority?
• Why are we Ok..with losing and quitting?
• Why can't  we express what we really feel?
• Why can't  we say 'No' to any body?
• Why can't we stop pretending to be happy?
• Why can't we live for ourselves  ?
• Why can't we continue  despite  of all odds?
• Why we have to quit all the time?
• Why can't we make a new start even after multiple failures?
• Why can't we also make it?

Ignoring all these questions we actually  make our own lives such a mess that it becomes impossible or we can say appears that we can not come out of this web of unworthiness and lack of purpose.
It may appear easy to quit in the beginning  and hanging on difficult..but the truth of life is living a failed life,  living a purposeless is far more difficult..It is definitely  filled with dissatisfaction, dissent and disappointments.
I have felt it and so as so many ordinary people like me..Please donot continue  to live like this..Give life another  chance ,give yourself another chance..Life is not meant to be wasted in regrets but we have to make a come back with far more energy and the best ever version of ourselves..😊😊

Go through the following  post to know the importance  of dream in our ordinary lives.

My Dream is Important to Me..

Coming out of a Failed Relationship."I Hate You and I Mean it.."

" I hate you and I mean it.."

Namaste everyone,

Getting  a failed  relationship out of your life and especially mind is not at all easy for people who were actually into the relationship with full commitment and honesty..They find it the hardest to accept that the relationship is over or does not have any significance for the other and therefore needs to be ended..

Giving your 100% in a relationship  is not at all wrong but in addition , expecting honesty and commitment is noway a crime or asking way too much..

"Relationship is a living thing that feeds on love ,care,trust, honesty,commitment and respect..In absence of any one of the above requirements it will sooner or later die..."

Once admitting that the relationship is over physically  it still takes a lot of time to get over it emotionally...

 Reminding ourselves how  badly the other person hurt you ,that too multiple times  and over quite a long period of time..only because we became so ignorant  or I should say we refused to see the reality in the name of our love and importance of the relationship for us..but now that we know that there is nothing left in the relationship we must keep reminding yourself loud and clear that you simply cannot stand your partner who failed to  continue a pure relationship due to whatever reasons and tell him or her ,"I hate  you and I mean it"..

"From now onwards I can not allow you to take over my feelings and  throwing  me in the depression of unworthiness and insecurity.. Whatever excuses you gave and how badly you played with my emotions can never be justified by any dumb explanation..So so..so...I hate you and I mean it.."

Dear readers, coming out of a failed relationship is not a failure of life..It is actually a blessing in disguise that protected us from any further damage both emotionally and sometimes physically as well..Don't be emotional fools..As I say being  emotional is not a problem  but being a emotional fool is definitely a problem..We ordinary people are emotional and tend to act foolish many a times acting emotionally..Coming out of a failed and broken relationship is not easy..But keep reminding yourself  how badly the other person used you, hurt you, insulted you and made you feel insecure,  underconfident and unwanted..

With passing days ,you will surely feel thankful ,Yes ,you read me correct ,thankful to the hurts done to you so that you became stronger and more confident as a person..There are no insecurities now..There is no sense of unworthiness as you were forced to feel as a result of the relationship that lacked integrity ,honesty and of course purity..Give a thought...🤔🤔