Mental barriers in carrying on in a relationship..

Namaste everyone,

We are simple ordinary people but we do have a clear understanding  of relationships...Everything for us  in a relationship is clear and pure from our side... and all we expect from our partner is pure love and commitment, nothing else..

There is a pure connection or a hidden chemistry or in simple words I should say a  understanding in two individuals that can not be explained  to others...Even little fakeness can not exist in relationships that are pure from the heart.. 

Relationships can be flawed at various levels for the society..The  two individuals involved appear to lack compatibilty,may belong to totally different backgrounds, may not match in looks, can have different  personalities. But one thing is sure if their love  and commitment is pure.. Relationship will be able to overcome all odds no matter what and survive successfully. 

One thing that bothers me a lot is since ordinary people who are 100% committed towards any relationship they are involved in..little  infidelity, little discrimination, little disrespect... disappoints us to the core..

It is our expectation that how we  feel , others should also have the same feelings  and even the intensity of commitment should also be the same..With time however, we have very well understood that this is  next to impossible...

This  some times creates mental barriers for ordinary  people to be part of a relationship..Because sometimes our expectations from the other person are way too high then the normal..In the initial days of a relationship  it is too early to judge a person and declare a 100% match or not.. There will never be a 100% match and 100% compatibility but with time if we see 100% commitment and 100% honesty then only its a possible match worth it..

Some people especially  the introvert ones fear getting into relationships despite of the fact that they are badly in need of a person to be on their side to support them,to take care of them,to love them and to make feel important  and worth it..They create so many mental barriers  in the form of high end expectations that too in very initial stages of a relationship..And sometimes they start doing the opposite by undermining themselves so much that they donot feel themselves as fit for any relationship due to their own insecurities and fears ...

These barriers does not make any sense once we find the right people and when they become  part of our lives.. all insecurities, all fears and all negativity simply vanishes..Life  starts appearing beautiful and worth it only when we ourselves start believing that we also deserve happiness,we are also worthy ,we also have a dream, we  can also achieve  what we dream for..and added to this love, support , care and trust of our loved ones on us works magic...🥰🥰😊

Dear readers, Please get over all your mental  barriers  they are definitely not real..They are simply our insecurities haunting us to deviate us from  living a life we always dreamt of ,we definitely can achieve what we want with continuous hardwork and self confidence...As far as relationships are concerned, donot jump into relationships, take your time..Expect things in a relationship that you are also willing to give wholeheartedly and with immense purity...After that if things go wrong due to whatever reasons, Please simply walk away...

Are we afraid ? Are we on the right track???

 Why are we afraid of failure ??

Namaste everyone,
After  deciding to give a new start  to our lives ,On the way the first question that keeps on coming to our mind  is that "Are we on the right track??pata nahi ... I also donot know... 

But this stupid thought keeps on coming to our minds but we can not allow this thought to be a deterrent, we can not stop here..we can not do it now, "aisa toh hum hamesha se karte aaye,pahle toh kuch start hi nahi kiya and agar kuch kiya bhi toh usko halfway  mei hi leave kar diya..humein apni iss habit ko chodna hi padega ,we donot even have a choice". 
We can not stop now ..Its high time..  how many years of our lives we are going to waste like this.. whenever hum  kuch bhi naya start karte hain, kisi ko bhi ek dum se outstanding results aana start nahi ho jate.. time lagta hai..overnight success toh bahut hi kam logon ko milti hai..hum apni  although  slow  but satisfying  si start ko midway leave nahi kar sakte hain.. kyunki ordinary logon ke liy phir se start karna, phir aur bhi mushkil ho jayega..himmat nahi harni hai.. apni  comfort zone se bahar nikalna hi padega..kuch uneasy bhi lagega..but at the end of every day, atleast lagega kuch acha kiya... ek bade se well mei ..ek chota sa coin hi sahi par dala.. and one  day we will get the water..
So please  I request you  not to stop trying  and please donot feel disappointed  or  disheartened...even if the results are not coming.. keep trying.. I am also trying.. muje bhi darr lagta hai failure se..but this time I am not going to stop and you all out there like me.. please donot stop.. together we all will make it .😊😊😊👍👍

Everything will be fine...just make a start..

Everything will be fine..

Namaste everyone..

Once we start... I donot  know from where ,a new energy comes in... although abhi kuch substantial  hua nai hai.. kuch bada achieve  bhi nai kiya hai... par start toh kiya.. woh kya hamare jaise ordinary logon ke liy kam hai kya...kuch bhi achieve karna ,life mei hugely successful  hona  bahut sare factors par depend karta hai.. overnight toh kuch nahi hota.. bahut  hardwork karna padta hai.. one thing  I am damn sure... once we start ..the journey  is wonderful... kuch naya karne ki feeling hi alag hoti hai.. sense of achievement aane lagta hai,apni kuch worth feel hoti hai... ajeeb sa confidence feel hota hai...can not say why but happiness  bhi feel hoti hai...

Negative  thoughts jaise gayab si jo jati hain..because hum apne new venture mei itne busy ho jate hain..ki humein  jo bhi free time milta hai apni routine life se badi mushkil se..woh  hum kuch productive karne mei use karte hain.. jo shayad immediately  nahi par kabhi na kabhi results jaroor dega.. am sure about that... agar kisi raste  par chalne bhar se hi humein acha ,pleasant and calm feel hota hai.. toh why not follow  it..destination will also be reached soon..😊😊

Everything will be fine that's for sure...but how long this is going to take..and more importantly how many of us have the courage to hang on is the real deal....

Future, nobody  has seen but the thing that is in our hands is continuous effort towards our dream..The journey is no doubt going to be tough , stressful and many times we will be disappointed..but there will be satisfaction  that atleast we are moving ahead..For ordinary  people even little  achievements matter a lot...These are the only motivators we have..I must add here  ,sometimes  we even continue without any possible help or motivation from anybody...but with faith that everything will be fine we continue....😊😊

Ordinary me...

Namaste everyone, 

I failed several times that too pretty miserably,I felt helpless ,I lost hope,I cried as well...But I realised even after this my dream is still the most important thing  for me..It is my identity, infact my dream is the only thing I proudly call as my own..I can not do without it..So I continued.. because this is the only way out...

"I waited for me , I did not come...After years, I came..Torn,Underconfident ,Insecure,purposeless.."

This was me ,years ago when I  knew something was really not right ,I was losing me ,My identity, My confidence..and still kept ignoring those very strong signals  of ever diminishing self worth and on the way I  kept compromising my self respect ,financial independence and confidence..for things..and people..and feelings that were obviously not long lasting..What was wrong with me...

Nothing  is forever.. Nothing is permanent, not even feelings or people very very close to us..Priorities change there is nothing wrong in it ,Problems  in relationships arise when it makes people to compromise their personal space ,value and financial independence. but still many people are somehow blinded by whatever  stupid reasons they give and finally end up broke both emotionally and financially..

Ordinary people find it extremely difficult to again even have a conversation with people whose true self has been shamelessly revealed.. This world ( our family ,our friends or any relationships we are involved in )  altogether suddenly become a totally different place if we fail to agree and adjust all the time...🤔🤔🤔🤔

Walking alone is not that bad,at least you need not seek approvals with each  forward step..There is no fear of judgements..You are 100% responsible for yourself and your actions...You are not dependent..You have your own pace and you need not be answerable to anyone..This is good..Really good...

Dear readers ,we ordinary ones were never that super talented, confident, outspoken or extrovert or even the lucky ones .We were the simple ,silly ordinary ones..I donot find it bad unless at some point of time we realise we  have to carve our way out in much much harder way then some others..( I am here noway demeaning the successful ones as I very well know everyone has their own share of struggles).

I am saying it's more difficult for ordinary ones is only because we ourselves spend years altogether only for the simple  realisation that our dream is also important and more importantly achievable...🤨🤔

 

Happiness is different from peace..

Namaste everyone,
My favourite lines
"Sukh hai alag aur chain alag hai,par jo yeh dekhnen woh nain alag hain"
(these are lyrics  from a movie named Luck  by chance)
Today this song got stuck in my head ,as it sometimes  happens with all of us ..but I was not getting  the song completely..but these lyrics were in my mind..
Like literally  if we look at  the essence  of life we will definitely  come to know that how different is happiness from peace....
We spent our whole lives in search of happiness..we look for happiness in love,money, career..or any other kind of our little little day to day wishes that very  rarely come true..but we somehow continue to look for happiness  in them all our lives...Even if we somehow achieve things we wish for in life happiness generated by them is very short lived..When one wish or desire is fulfilled  another pops up in our heads.. Actually  we all keep falling into this viscous trap of desires that  never get fulfilled completely and these are so endless that they keep on coming and going....The question here is , Do they really give us peace of mind..?? The answer as per my experience  is a No...because these desires are our wants not needs...

This never ending craving for fulfilling  our wishes or I should say wants keeps on bothering us.. Keeping us restless all our lives...
I am from a small town  and belonged to an average middle class family.. When  I got married we had nothing..everything we had was  on loan..at that time my thoughts were like ,me and my husband will together work hard and create a far far improved life financially but in reality it was never my personal priority..but a improved financial  condition  is a thing that everybody like me needs especially  for their children..It was  always my thought process that without love and family the happiness given by materialistic  things won't  be long lasting..After two and a half years of our marriage , my husband got a new job and we moved to Bangalore, we are now in a far better financial  condition..but it never gave any kind of happiness to me...
In due course  of time people  like us only prioritize money matters and forget our family far behind ...We donot have time for each other, although this is also true that we work hard only  for our family..but we are so mesmerized and blinded by this blind run for money and status that we ourselves  forget that how far behind we have left our family and loved ones..We really never felt peaceful and content even after getting so many things we once aspired  for... Everything appears fake...
The main reason behind this is we start looking for happiness in things and  not with our loved ones..Without our loved ones  no materialistic thing can ever generate happiness that is everlasting...

We actually  waste years of our lives in search of things that give shortlived happiness  and never peace..
Materialistic things money,luxury and career are important part of our lives but they are not our lives...
In this life we have  started giving so much importance  to materialistic  things but totally forget that without our family these things will give fake happiness and no content and peace of mind..

In today's  world we have a lot of things but no one to share with ..rather I should say nobody to share our feelings and emotions nor our so called luxuries...
Life is itself a luxury but without our family it makes no sense at all.. I also very well know that without a strong financial  status family also starts falling apart..but we have to create a balance...
Dear readers,even very experienced and succesful people fail to create a balance in life ..this must be because happiness and peace of mind should go hand in hand..but it happens very rarely that people are actually happy and at peace  because we continously expect happiness from  fulfilling our desires that are themselves not permanent and keep on changing with time,age or other day to day circumstances..How can a thing that itself is not longlasting  generate permanent happiness and further peace of mind?🤔🤔

 Me and my aspirations.

Namaste everyone,

My ordinary life  and ordinary thinking never made me realise that I never had something of my own...It was like living a purposeless life that too for years altogether thinking  my family's dreams are mine ,their aspirations  are mine...but very lately I realised it was 100% true that my family's happiness  and prosperity  was only thing I wished for in life...I was doing it happily, wholeheartedly and with full commitment, this was the only truth of my life...

But It is also true that am doing it now also and will continue all my life...but with a slightest addition that now I have a dream of my own as well and will follow it to achieve  what totally belonged to me...It may appear unimportant to others but not for me anymore..

I donot held anybody responsible for my own disinterest  in my own dreams...I had aspirations but those have nothing to do with me.. 

My dreams actually had nothing  to do with me..whatever I dreamt or even wished for, was for my family..I am not unhappy with this fact of my life...but the thing  where I lacked was, I totally ignored my own aspirations,my little little wishes,my own dreams, my own me time..As a part of a family ,as a mother,as a wife ,as a daughter, as a sister as a friend ,as a social person we all have responsibilities and we can not just live a selfish life..thinking only of ourselves and blindly running for our aspirations or dreams by plainly ignoring all others..I personally never justify that...and not appreciate others doing this..

We have to create  a fine balance...The thing is we have to take out  some time for ourselves completing our responsibilities with utmost sincerity... Following our dreams no way gives us the liberty to take irresponsible actions..

Dear readers, the only intention of this post is to motivate people  who ignored their own aspirations due to whatever reasons...its never too late  to begin  again..Start thinking about your dream, start working on your dream,start learning and educating yourself about your dream...start telling yourself that your life is also important, your dream is as important  as it is for others..You are also worth it..Nobody in this world has a purposeless,ordinary life..We all have a purpose and a worth..but that worth and purpose we have to first recognize ourselves then only we will be able to make the world agree to this...Past failures no more matter.. actually they never mattered.. It was only  us who gave unnecessary importance to these self demeaning and disheartening thoughts about our ownselves..as a result of which we continued to live a passive ,dormant and purposeless life without having any regrets..

 Life of an ordinary Housewife..

Namaste everyone ,

I am a housewife  for almost 14 years,I was a housewife out of choice initially because my family and kids were my only priority..The only thing I expected from life was prosperity,well being  and happiness of my family..I never expected anything else from life ..I  never had any personal goals or dreams...

With passing years,I never realised how much underconfident  I became in front of people outside my family..I started lacking any little little decision making capability.. I was turning dumb..It is not that I was not qualified enough (I am B.tech ,M.tech in Computer Science).The thing I lacked was I was least bothered about  my own self...

Being a stay at home Mom ,I started ignoring my looks  and my health as well..I was never very peculiar about how I looked ..Neither was I bothered to go with the trends as I was busy in the upbringing of my kids..The strange thing was I never felt anythimg wrong in this 100% dedication towards my family..My family also never noticed that how I totally ignored myself over all these years..May be they would have thought that I am the typical housewife types..As most of the people judge us as housewives.. Society is not  bothered if we carry on like this and keep on fulfilling our responsibilities...They donot have a slightest  clue or they donot care that how a person's individuality is lost in the whole process of running a family as a  housewife..

Love and care given by us 24/7 to our families is not done to get any thing in return, it is only done out of love and care...I am not at all saying that all housewives have troubled lives but one thing is sure that we are never prepared for anything (God forbid) bad in life..We lack decision making ,we donot know how to handle finances..We don't know how to handle the world..We only know about our house ,our kids and everything going on  inside the house nothing else beyond that because that has been our life  for so many years..We never bothered  to know about the outside world..Our house, kids and family is the only world known to us..

We never did any self improvement, grooming or any kind of personality development to face the real world...This is particularly the case with simple ,ordinary  housewives  like me..🤔😕🤔 

Dear readers, Total commitment towards our family is a thing to be appreciated and not a thing to regret for ....but keeping out a piece of life for  our own selves is the thing that should be added to our daily routines... Otherwise we ordinary housewives will definitely end up  as a lost,underconfident and insecure person...This 100% dependency on family both emotional amd financial is not at all a healthy option..It may appear to work in earlier times and also I should say in the initial years of married life but not all our life because when our kids grow up and we grow old, the whole scenario changes..Living a dependent  life is no longer  recommended in today's  world..

Dear readers, I want to motivate you today that ,Please start taking out at least little time for your ownselves on daily basis..It is not a thing to be avoided ..In today's world it's definitely  mandatory..Work on your skills,Work on your health..Stay healthy...Improve  your learning,Work on a hobby...Go for a walk...but Do spend some  time on yourselves for self grooming and development..😊😇

You can also  read my below  post to read about the feelings of housewives..

life-of-housewife.html

I want to Stop Pretending...

Namaste everyone,
A weird thought is really bothering me nowadays...or may be it was always there  and bothering  me deep within but I never ever  expressed it...As we always present a different and rather polished version of ourselves and that we are “Ok” but deep within we are not.. We pretend to be happy but we are not..my below post describes the things we should stop pretending ,start living fully  but as the way we are and feel..and for that we ourselves have to first accept us as we are..Below is the list of our daily pretensions...

• I am tired of pretending  a perfect picture of myself like most of ordinary people do...
• I always pretend to be the most adjusting one..
• I always pretend to be not affected by what other's intentional  or unintentional  comments..
• I pretend to be not bothered by my failed professional  life..
• I pretend  to be not bothered by treated as a extra who can fitin any where..
• I pretend to be happy  all the time..
• I pretend to agree mostly even  for things I strongly disagree..
• I pretend to be the one who can ever get angry..
• I pretend to be not bothered  about how I look..
• I pretend  to feel nothing..
• I pretend  to have no priorities, likes or dislikes at all..
• I pretend to always saying  "Yes",I  just can not say "No" to anyone..
• I pretend  to be not bothered  about not having a real purpose..
• I pretend to be not bothered about people never meeting  my expectations..
• I pretend to be not bothered about people not prioritising me  as I do to them..
• I pretend to be not bothered  when people ignore me or take advantages from me..
• In  nutshell I always pretend to be happy and strong..but in reality I am noway even near to that..

I have been like this  for almost 14 years..this was my thought process... But the good part is now that giving yourself to the world and sacrificing  your priorities  and needs is good to  some extent but in all this if you completely forget yourself, you will definitely  end up in deep emotional or sometimes financial  mess as well. Because slowly and gradually you will realise people mostly do not reciprocate  feelings and attention as we give to them..It further results in thoughts  like .."What is wrong with us?""Are we not worthy enough??"
How can we expect others to give us preference  when we give ourselves  the last?
Think about it...
 Sooner or later we have to give ourselves the nourishment of atleast little  self  confidence that we are worth it like every body else is .We have  to stop judging  ourselves and have to stop defining ourselves  as per other people's  definitions.. We can not be so harsh towards  ourselves  all the time..They donot even know us fully..  

We have been presenting a polished  and adaptable picture  of ourselves..We have to stop pretending... We have to start living  for ourselves  as well and most importantly we have to  come out of the shell of the image of the average adjusting one,who fits in every where..Think about it ,this struggle is real..🤔🤔

Everything was  about you... 

Namaste everyone,
Relationships that fail miserably definitely hurt people.. "Why  Relationships that were once so much cherished fail???😕🤔"
Something is obviously very very wrong...But when it comes to human emotions we all usually neglect a lot of( red flags)things that are actually  going wrong...

We ordinary  people are in relationships out of pure love and care but sometimes our best is not enough for the other..because  may be their expectations from us are way different  from  what we do for them or may be vice versa...
But usually relationships fail because any one of them acts so selfishly that he or she begins to even compromise  other's respect, trust and emotions badly with each passing day but definitely without a slightest of regret...and "Everything was about you" these thoughts keep haunting in the minds of the one who is still very much involved and still truly in the relationship..
Using people in the name of relationship is such an emotional exploitation  we do the other that  the damage caused can not be even measured and it takes a lot of time to heal, sometimes months, sometimes years and sometimes almost a life time...

How come people become  so insensitive to other person's  emotions and feelings with whom they were once in a relationship is beyond my understanding...
Sometimes one person hurts the other so badly that things can not be reversed and damage caused is permanent, in that case it is pretty understandable that people  can not stand each other,that is fine..I am myself in favour of that...but how can any person be in a relationship  where everything in the relationship is about a single person..and nothing is mutual...

Actuallly it should be not even you and me ,it should be US in a relationship.... How come only one person's wishes,desires,aspirations ,feelings,wants and career matter but the other has a place of just nobody who is somehow dragging the relationship  out of love for the other even after knowing that his or her thoughts and feelings have no place in  the relationship..but he or she is continuing because due to any possible reason, they don't want to loose the person they love...

When one person confronts the other after a lot of emotional turbulences ,when questions are asked  there are no answers ....consider the following  pointers..

Dear readers ask these questions to check  that are you part of really good relationship..

1. Why was my opinion unimportant all the time?

2.Why was left alone when I needed you the most?

3.Why were you not part of things or events or days which were very important to me?

4.Why was I always  the one to say sorry even mostly without my fault?

5.Why was I  never as important  as you were to me?

6.Why was I your last prioritiy?

7.Why was  me ,my feelings, my achievements, my failures unimportant to you?

8.Why was I always the one who was adjusting, adapting and compromising?

9.Why was I abused and insulted in front of others?

10.Why were you not even willing to give your time and attention whenever I felt low?

11.Why you were never bothered that I stay or leave?

12.Why you were not even true to me in any sense?

13.Why you used me?

The answer  to the above questions is all the same that , "Everything was about you"