What is confidence?

What is confidence?

Namaste Everyone,

What is confidence?

 Confidence for  me is accepting yourself as you are and not  pretending to be someone else according to the  circumstances in life.Our focus should  be on things we are able to do without  worrying about what we can’t do!

I just want to share a short story of mine here ..when I was in Ist standard,  I was selected  for a poem recitation competition in school ..I prepared well and I was confident..but when I went on stage,before reciting the poem as we have to introduce ourselves and greet  Principal Sir , teachers and fellow friends..but as I was very small at that time and could not see where Principal  sir was sitting(sounds funny now😂) and so could not  greet him before starting.. because of this I stood numb there, did not start ..I could not utter a single word and finally my teacher came  to take me  off the stage..but as a little kid I felt very insulted, this little incident had such a huge impact on my childhood days that I never ever dared to participate  in any individual  competitions .Stage fear was soo..much in me that I never even tried once..I remember my teachers asking me again and again as I was good in studies to participate but I never did..I was afraid  of failing again..and thought not participating will protect me  from this fear of failure..Not participating  will protect me from judgement of others..At that time I used to make thousands of excuses  for not participating..but now I strongly feel that One incident deprived me from enormous  opportunities  that were offered to me in my school days to prove myself but I failed to grab even one of them..

This one thought that I  will fail gets into our heads soo much...The thing is we may fail and not that we will definitely  fail..but fear of failure  stops us from living life to our full potential..I now completely  agree with the fact that self confidence  is the game changer..We have to believe  in ourselves...It is the thing that can change our ordinary lives to extraordinary..  Confidence does not guarantee  100% success  rate,but atleast  it will be higher than 0% in case we donot try at all..

I am also quite a ordinary  individual  but with no notable achievements  in life,but now that when I analyse my past life,I wasted precious  childhood years that could have been filled with many  little achievements, I myself deprived me from them..I feel this lack of confidence held me back always, stopped me from doing what I really wanted and was really good at..It stopped me from living life fully..It stopped me  and made a strong impression in my mind that I am average,can not achieve anything ,so I must go and stand in the last of the queue..

I request everyone reading this please donot undermine  yourself  by small small failures ,donot label yourself as average..We all are special in some sense ..We all are precious and are capable of achieving  anything we want to ..but for that  the minimum  requirement  is we should not stop trying..and PLEASE  PLEASE..never ever stop believing  in yourselves... 😊😊,keep trying..

Disagreements in relationships..

Namaste everyone,
In our day to day lives..we have many confrontations with people around us, be it  our family members, friends, kids or colleagues or anybody that we come in contact with..It is not necessary  that we will be agreeing  with other people's perspective and opinions about things happening around us all the time..
Disagreements are bound to happen because we all are  totally different  individuals..And This is absolutely fine...but things get out of control when people force their point of view on others and want others to agree forcefully and when they don't, they end up abusing each other or insulting each other and finally hurting  each other badly..
Mostly dominating people can't handle disagreements.. They even want  everybody  around to agree  with them all the time..
In relationships  this dominant  behaviour will definitely  create unrest in the mental peace of the other partner..
Usually ordinary, simple people in relationships continue even with the dominant  behaviour of their partners out of love or sometimes  due to their own insecurities  and underconfident behaviour.. but things  get out of control  and one of the partner starts hurting other partners self respect and self esteem..
Even after they say sorry,that sorry is unable to pacify the other  because the person actually never meant it but just said it for the sake of saying..Mostly people donot even bother  to say sorry for their insulting behaviour to the other..They donot bother what the other person felt and how badly it affected their self respect..
There are even certain shameless traits of people who say sorry..but on the other hand continue  with their abusive and insulting  behaviour  as well...
Ordinary people fail to see a way out of such a relationship...Only because they donot want to loose their partner or sometimes because of their own emotional and financial  insecurities..
Saying Sorry  without actually  feeling it  will definitely  be never enough..because when one  of the partner says sorry for a thing done either intentionally  or unintentionally, it soothes the other partner  who is hurt..and creates a trust that this hurtful behaviour will not be repeated..but not everybody is lucky enough to get partners  who  never intentionally want to hurt their other better half ,but due to any reason if they do so..their heartfelt "Sorry" is  definitely  enough..if  and only if it is really said from the heart and in future the mistake done or that particular abusive or disrespectful behaviour is not repeated..

Agreeing to each other's  disagreements  and accepting  each other as  we are...is what is all that is expected from a true relationship..
But the reality is people disagree with each other and want the other to always agree but they themselves  are not ready to accept  the other partner with his or her disagreements..
Dear readers, in true and healthy  relationships  both the partners are equal..Point of view of both the partners  matters equally.. Disagreements will happen,rather I should  say if there  are absolutely no disagreements something  is definitely  wrong...🤔🤔
If we respect  each other we will definitely   respect  each other's  perspective and thought process ..In a relationship we have to give each other enough space ..We can not simply overpower each other's  thought process  or force them to agree with us all the time..Nobody is perfect..not all relationships  are similar..No individuals nor their situations are similar....but if  the relationship  is pure and true,we only need to give our partner respect, care, trust and love..
I always give more priority to respect ,care and trust even over love...Some readers will find it strange because  they will give the justification  that love itself should be given the first priority..But I personally  feel relationships that lack respect,care and trust can never ever survive  for long..These relationships  are fake and with time love between the two also diminishes..Love might be there in the relationship but the foundation of the relationship is weak and little ups and downs of disagreements can easily disturb it to the core..I personally feel  their love was not more than a mere attraction...
Love can never ever survive  without respect and trust...Please nurture your relationships  with respect, trust ,care and lots and lots of love..This is the only essence  of life...because without our loved ones life appears to be empty and purposeless..💞💞

How to differentiate between  right and wrong decisions in life?

Namaste  everyone,
How to differentiate between right and wrong decisions in life?This question kept bothering  me all the time and  I think everyone  faces this question  back in their minds quite often..during various moments or even stages of life..
I am a ordinary person and had a pretty much  unsuccessful  professional  life.Now that I look back in the past.. My life today is clearly the consequence of decisions  I took early in my life..Everyone relates with this fact..The point here is that the decisions we took  were good for us or not..As far as my failed track record is concerned  I have been a average person,with lot of failures ..Actually  I donot have much to tell or say about success because  I never felt it..How disspointing is that..Ya it is very very dissapointing  or I should say its heart breaking...as far as I am concerned...but over the years I realised at different  phases  of life we have to take decisions that affect our personal  and professional life..This is true ..but this is also true that we have to make although  small decisions  or rather choices on daily basis as well..They also affect us... The consequences  of our decisions are sometimes  positive and sometimes negative..
"With positive outcomes we donot become any changed person ,we are still the same deep within if the outcome comes negative...but we start defining our ownselves  with the outcomes of decisions  we took..."
People judge  us by the outcomes of our decisions  all our lives..We start believing  their judgements..
Everything goes pretty well if somehow our decisions  come out to be successful ,we are labeled as successful , intelligent and extraordinary ,till any of our decisions results in a huge failure...and people start calling us failure for life..and we as the dumbest creatures of the world.. make it our reality and even stop trying and doing something to improve our situation..
Pretty ordinary people like me whose  most of life decisions  resulted in failure become so underconfident  and insecure that we lose even the simplest decision making powers..We even feel underconfident to choose a perfect dress that suits us ..we need to seek approvals   for every thing we do..

"The main reason behind our failed life was not that we took the bad or wrong decisions  all the time all our life...but it was lack of self belief and  most importantly we  always quit in between ,we stopped  trying again..we made other people's judgments our reality..we were weak, we were introvert and we were underconfident too..but the thing that stopped us from moving forward was we ourselves..we only proved all our decisions were wrong because once facing failure  at any particular point we simply stopped ,we did not thought  of any alternate ways to restart..we did not look for other plans to make things work..It was all our own weaknesses  that were totally responsible  for our failed life ..our wrong decisions  can delay our success but we decided to quit  and that is why we failed...We ourselves  gave up on ourselves that was the reason of our failed  and a pretty average  life today and not our decisions.."
Nobody can 100% be sure about the outcome  of any decision ,so in the fear of a negative outcome or even after getting  a failure we  just can not stop..moving ahead...These  are really big blunders  we do to ourselves if we simply stop..and then as time passes we are only left with regrets..that why we didn't  give ourselves  another chance...
So ,Please  I want to request you all reading that please donot stop in between, donot stop chasing your dreams..you will not be successful  all the time, all your decisions  might not be fruitful..but please donot give up...once life passes like this we will not be able to rewind anything..Whatever you want to do ,start now,own your mistakes and decisions  ...keep improving..Success  is assured..😊😊😊😊 
You can also go through the below post  to  that describes reasons of failure in life👇🏻👇🏻

https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/07/failures-and-success-in-life.htmlhttps://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/07/failures-and-success-in-life.html
https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/07/we-fail-because-we-are-never-driven-by.html
https://myheartfultalks.blogspot.com/2020/07/we-fail-because-we-are-never-driven-by.html

Mental barriers in carrying on in a relationship..

Namaste everyone,

We are simple ordinary people but we do have a clear understanding  of relationships...Everything for us  in a relationship is clear and pure from our side... and all we expect from our partner is pure love and commitment, nothing else..

There is a pure connection or a hidden chemistry or in simple words I should say a  understanding in two individuals that can not be explained  to others...Even little fakeness can not exist in relationships that are pure from the heart.. 

Relationships can be flawed at various levels for the society..The  two individuals involved appear to lack compatibilty,may belong to totally different backgrounds, may not match in looks, can have different  personalities. But one thing is sure if their love  and commitment is pure.. Relationship will be able to overcome all odds no matter what and survive successfully. 

One thing that bothers me a lot is since ordinary people who are 100% committed towards any relationship they are involved in..little  infidelity, little discrimination, little disrespect... disappoints us to the core..

It is our expectation that how we  feel , others should also have the same feelings  and even the intensity of commitment should also be the same..With time however, we have very well understood that this is  next to impossible...

This  some times creates mental barriers for ordinary  people to be part of a relationship..Because sometimes our expectations from the other person are way too high then the normal..In the initial days of a relationship  it is too early to judge a person and declare a 100% match or not.. There will never be a 100% match and 100% compatibility but with time if we see 100% commitment and 100% honesty then only its a possible match worth it..

Some people especially  the introvert ones fear getting into relationships despite of the fact that they are badly in need of a person to be on their side to support them,to take care of them,to love them and to make feel important  and worth it..They create so many mental barriers  in the form of high end expectations that too in very initial stages of a relationship..And sometimes they start doing the opposite by undermining themselves so much that they donot feel themselves as fit for any relationship due to their own insecurities and fears ...

These barriers does not make any sense once we find the right people and when they become  part of our lives.. all insecurities, all fears and all negativity simply vanishes..Life  starts appearing beautiful and worth it only when we ourselves start believing that we also deserve happiness,we are also worthy ,we also have a dream, we  can also achieve  what we dream for..and added to this love, support , care and trust of our loved ones on us works magic...🥰🥰😊

Dear readers, Please get over all your mental  barriers  they are definitely not real..They are simply our insecurities haunting us to deviate us from  living a life we always dreamt of ,we definitely can achieve what we want with continuous hardwork and self confidence...As far as relationships are concerned, donot jump into relationships, take your time..Expect things in a relationship that you are also willing to give wholeheartedly and with immense purity...After that if things go wrong due to whatever reasons, Please simply walk away...

Are we afraid ? Are we on the right track???

 Why are we afraid of failure ??

Namaste everyone,
After  deciding to give a new start  to our lives ,On the way the first question that keeps on coming to our mind  is that "Are we on the right track??pata nahi ... I also donot know... 

But this stupid thought keeps on coming to our minds but we can not allow this thought to be a deterrent, we can not stop here..we can not do it now, "aisa toh hum hamesha se karte aaye,pahle toh kuch start hi nahi kiya and agar kuch kiya bhi toh usko halfway  mei hi leave kar diya..humein apni iss habit ko chodna hi padega ,we donot even have a choice". 
We can not stop now ..Its high time..  how many years of our lives we are going to waste like this.. whenever hum  kuch bhi naya start karte hain, kisi ko bhi ek dum se outstanding results aana start nahi ho jate.. time lagta hai..overnight success toh bahut hi kam logon ko milti hai..hum apni  although  slow  but satisfying  si start ko midway leave nahi kar sakte hain.. kyunki ordinary logon ke liy phir se start karna, phir aur bhi mushkil ho jayega..himmat nahi harni hai.. apni  comfort zone se bahar nikalna hi padega..kuch uneasy bhi lagega..but at the end of every day, atleast lagega kuch acha kiya... ek bade se well mei ..ek chota sa coin hi sahi par dala.. and one  day we will get the water..
So please  I request you  not to stop trying  and please donot feel disappointed  or  disheartened...even if the results are not coming.. keep trying.. I am also trying.. muje bhi darr lagta hai failure se..but this time I am not going to stop and you all out there like me.. please donot stop.. together we all will make it .😊😊😊👍👍

Everything will be fine...just make a start..

Everything will be fine..

Namaste everyone..

Once we start... I donot  know from where ,a new energy comes in... although abhi kuch substantial  hua nai hai.. kuch bada achieve  bhi nai kiya hai... par start toh kiya.. woh kya hamare jaise ordinary logon ke liy kam hai kya...kuch bhi achieve karna ,life mei hugely successful  hona  bahut sare factors par depend karta hai.. overnight toh kuch nahi hota.. bahut  hardwork karna padta hai.. one thing  I am damn sure... once we start ..the journey  is wonderful... kuch naya karne ki feeling hi alag hoti hai.. sense of achievement aane lagta hai,apni kuch worth feel hoti hai... ajeeb sa confidence feel hota hai...can not say why but happiness  bhi feel hoti hai...

Negative  thoughts jaise gayab si jo jati hain..because hum apne new venture mei itne busy ho jate hain..ki humein  jo bhi free time milta hai apni routine life se badi mushkil se..woh  hum kuch productive karne mei use karte hain.. jo shayad immediately  nahi par kabhi na kabhi results jaroor dega.. am sure about that... agar kisi raste  par chalne bhar se hi humein acha ,pleasant and calm feel hota hai.. toh why not follow  it..destination will also be reached soon..😊😊

Everything will be fine that's for sure...but how long this is going to take..and more importantly how many of us have the courage to hang on is the real deal....

Future, nobody  has seen but the thing that is in our hands is continuous effort towards our dream..The journey is no doubt going to be tough , stressful and many times we will be disappointed..but there will be satisfaction  that atleast we are moving ahead..For ordinary  people even little  achievements matter a lot...These are the only motivators we have..I must add here  ,sometimes  we even continue without any possible help or motivation from anybody...but with faith that everything will be fine we continue....😊😊

Ordinary me...

Namaste everyone, 

I failed several times that too pretty miserably,I felt helpless ,I lost hope,I cried as well...But I realised even after this my dream is still the most important thing  for me..It is my identity, infact my dream is the only thing I proudly call as my own..I can not do without it..So I continued.. because this is the only way out...

"I waited for me , I did not come...After years, I came..Torn,Underconfident ,Insecure,purposeless.."

This was me ,years ago when I  knew something was really not right ,I was losing me ,My identity, My confidence..and still kept ignoring those very strong signals  of ever diminishing self worth and on the way I  kept compromising my self respect ,financial independence and confidence..for things..and people..and feelings that were obviously not long lasting..What was wrong with me...

Nothing  is forever.. Nothing is permanent, not even feelings or people very very close to us..Priorities change there is nothing wrong in it ,Problems  in relationships arise when it makes people to compromise their personal space ,value and financial independence. but still many people are somehow blinded by whatever  stupid reasons they give and finally end up broke both emotionally and financially..

Ordinary people find it extremely difficult to again even have a conversation with people whose true self has been shamelessly revealed.. This world ( our family ,our friends or any relationships we are involved in )  altogether suddenly become a totally different place if we fail to agree and adjust all the time...🤔🤔🤔🤔

Walking alone is not that bad,at least you need not seek approvals with each  forward step..There is no fear of judgements..You are 100% responsible for yourself and your actions...You are not dependent..You have your own pace and you need not be answerable to anyone..This is good..Really good...

Dear readers ,we ordinary ones were never that super talented, confident, outspoken or extrovert or even the lucky ones .We were the simple ,silly ordinary ones..I donot find it bad unless at some point of time we realise we  have to carve our way out in much much harder way then some others..( I am here noway demeaning the successful ones as I very well know everyone has their own share of struggles).

I am saying it's more difficult for ordinary ones is only because we ourselves spend years altogether only for the simple  realisation that our dream is also important and more importantly achievable...🤨🤔

 

Happiness is different from peace..

Namaste everyone,
My favourite lines
"Sukh hai alag aur chain alag hai,par jo yeh dekhnen woh nain alag hain"
(these are lyrics  from a movie named Luck  by chance)
Today this song got stuck in my head ,as it sometimes  happens with all of us ..but I was not getting  the song completely..but these lyrics were in my mind..
Like literally  if we look at  the essence  of life we will definitely  come to know that how different is happiness from peace....
We spent our whole lives in search of happiness..we look for happiness in love,money, career..or any other kind of our little little day to day wishes that very  rarely come true..but we somehow continue to look for happiness  in them all our lives...Even if we somehow achieve things we wish for in life happiness generated by them is very short lived..When one wish or desire is fulfilled  another pops up in our heads.. Actually  we all keep falling into this viscous trap of desires that  never get fulfilled completely and these are so endless that they keep on coming and going....The question here is , Do they really give us peace of mind..?? The answer as per my experience  is a No...because these desires are our wants not needs...

This never ending craving for fulfilling  our wishes or I should say wants keeps on bothering us.. Keeping us restless all our lives...
I am from a small town  and belonged to an average middle class family.. When  I got married we had nothing..everything we had was  on loan..at that time my thoughts were like ,me and my husband will together work hard and create a far far improved life financially but in reality it was never my personal priority..but a improved financial  condition  is a thing that everybody like me needs especially  for their children..It was  always my thought process that without love and family the happiness given by materialistic  things won't  be long lasting..After two and a half years of our marriage , my husband got a new job and we moved to Bangalore, we are now in a far better financial  condition..but it never gave any kind of happiness to me...
In due course  of time people  like us only prioritize money matters and forget our family far behind ...We donot have time for each other, although this is also true that we work hard only  for our family..but we are so mesmerized and blinded by this blind run for money and status that we ourselves  forget that how far behind we have left our family and loved ones..We really never felt peaceful and content even after getting so many things we once aspired  for... Everything appears fake...
The main reason behind this is we start looking for happiness in things and  not with our loved ones..Without our loved ones  no materialistic thing can ever generate happiness that is everlasting...

We actually  waste years of our lives in search of things that give shortlived happiness  and never peace..
Materialistic things money,luxury and career are important part of our lives but they are not our lives...
In this life we have  started giving so much importance  to materialistic  things but totally forget that without our family these things will give fake happiness and no content and peace of mind..

In today's  world we have a lot of things but no one to share with ..rather I should say nobody to share our feelings and emotions nor our so called luxuries...
Life is itself a luxury but without our family it makes no sense at all.. I also very well know that without a strong financial  status family also starts falling apart..but we have to create a balance...
Dear readers,even very experienced and succesful people fail to create a balance in life ..this must be because happiness and peace of mind should go hand in hand..but it happens very rarely that people are actually happy and at peace  because we continously expect happiness from  fulfilling our desires that are themselves not permanent and keep on changing with time,age or other day to day circumstances..How can a thing that itself is not longlasting  generate permanent happiness and further peace of mind?🤔🤔

 Me and my aspirations.

Namaste everyone,

My ordinary life  and ordinary thinking never made me realise that I never had something of my own...It was like living a purposeless life that too for years altogether thinking  my family's dreams are mine ,their aspirations  are mine...but very lately I realised it was 100% true that my family's happiness  and prosperity  was only thing I wished for in life...I was doing it happily, wholeheartedly and with full commitment, this was the only truth of my life...

But It is also true that am doing it now also and will continue all my life...but with a slightest addition that now I have a dream of my own as well and will follow it to achieve  what totally belonged to me...It may appear unimportant to others but not for me anymore..

I donot held anybody responsible for my own disinterest  in my own dreams...I had aspirations but those have nothing to do with me.. 

My dreams actually had nothing  to do with me..whatever I dreamt or even wished for, was for my family..I am not unhappy with this fact of my life...but the thing  where I lacked was, I totally ignored my own aspirations,my little little wishes,my own dreams, my own me time..As a part of a family ,as a mother,as a wife ,as a daughter, as a sister as a friend ,as a social person we all have responsibilities and we can not just live a selfish life..thinking only of ourselves and blindly running for our aspirations or dreams by plainly ignoring all others..I personally never justify that...and not appreciate others doing this..

We have to create  a fine balance...The thing is we have to take out  some time for ourselves completing our responsibilities with utmost sincerity... Following our dreams no way gives us the liberty to take irresponsible actions..

Dear readers, the only intention of this post is to motivate people  who ignored their own aspirations due to whatever reasons...its never too late  to begin  again..Start thinking about your dream, start working on your dream,start learning and educating yourself about your dream...start telling yourself that your life is also important, your dream is as important  as it is for others..You are also worth it..Nobody in this world has a purposeless,ordinary life..We all have a purpose and a worth..but that worth and purpose we have to first recognize ourselves then only we will be able to make the world agree to this...Past failures no more matter.. actually they never mattered.. It was only  us who gave unnecessary importance to these self demeaning and disheartening thoughts about our ownselves..as a result of which we continued to live a passive ,dormant and purposeless life without having any regrets..