Remembering failures..on the roof top...

Remembering failures..on the roof top...

Namaste everyone,
Today a weird  feeling cropped into my mind,I had gone on my apartment's  terrace for a walk in the evening..as we can not go anywhere in these Corona times..I very rarely go for a walk on terrace..but weather was very awesome , as everybody knows about the beautiful  Bangalore  weather..it was very cloudy as well.. instead of walking I thought of simply standing in one remote corner of the terrace..I was just staring the dark black clouds ..wind was chilling and hitting me hard on my face...and along with them came all the bad memories  of how low I felt when ever I failed ..all the times I tried but could not achieve anything .. bad experiences that I had over the years of my life that I donot like at all..It made me remember, all bad decisions  I took..without thinking about the consequences that worstly  affected my life both personally and professionally..
Remembering failures is no way convenient and comfortable ..
"I really felt sad and a tear came rolling ....I was weak and vulnerable ...at that time."
I thought I am noway near to what I really aspired for ..how weak I have become ,so underconfident..I saw darkness..all over..that was in my mind aswell, suddenly I saw bright yellow light coming from the sun..it was not that bright but it was there...
Along with that came the sounds of my kids calling "Mamma Mamma..,come we are waiting  for you.."
Suddenly I came out  of that shell of negativity  and darkness that had  engulfed   me  standing there..
This strong feeling  reminded me that  not everything is wrong in everybody's life..not in mine either..Something to love ,something to cherish for,something to live for, is always there..but with all that negativity that we are in ,we fail to see them or even feel them...I do have a failed professional  life, but I have my kids  and for them I am the best..and the most important..
Although this feeling is true to the core and nothing can be more satisfying  than this..but tricky part here is that  this very feeling is not  for ever..I am not saying it will  dissapear completely but will surely start to fade away as kids will be growing and becoming  more and more independent...
So ,what is the solution ???What  I feel is, we have to start focusing on ourselves,we have to take time out of our busy personal schedules..we have to take out time for some kind of self development ,self grooming  and learning.. It can be anything  but something totally focussed on our ownselves..It is important  and inevitable,  sooner or later we all will realise this ,so  why not start now...Think about it..🤔🤔