Where am I heading???

Dear diary,

What has happened  to me...??

Kya ho gaya hai muje,kya ban gai hun main...

Everything  irritates me..Laughing, shouting, talking irritates me..I have actually  become too rude to myself...Failures  and  waiting for things to click are the only two things going on in my head...I am bored of myself.. Can not say these things to others ....Can not say  what I feel ,what is bothering me??Obviously I am disappointed.. of myself..I am walking alone but can not see any way out..

Only because  I am not getting what I am expecting from life..

Waiting for success is really difficult... I definitely  agree that I am waiting for success  to achieve what I dreamt for..

I started following  my dream after gathering so much courage that can not be explained  in words..so failing or even the fear of it is disturbing  me...It's  making me restless..

Dear diary,What is next ??You know me..I usually  don't  loose hope easily, I donot give up..Rather I never give up at all..What should I  do with these negative feelings cropping in my head..while I am waiting for things to fall in place.....I need some direction..I am currently not finding a way... 

 Dear Diary, don't you think, I am talking weird..I am  behaving weirdly..Kya karun??

But can't  leave my dream in halfway...Have to somehow again gather all the broken pieces and start putting efforts..and keep on nourishing  a plant that is not giving me any fruits whatsoever...I am sad..but will not leave my dream...I can't..because in that case I  will do total injustice to my own dream...Whenever it was something to do with my dreams,my aspirations..I myself was  least interested.. I was negatively biased and indifferent towards my own  aspirations..They were never important..but now that atleast I am moving towards my dream,I have something to call my own. Although I am  not successful  as yet but hope definitely  still exists and  I will achieve  success as well...I know I keep on losing hope,then again I counsel myself to carry on..but one thing is sure,I absolutely  agree that journey  is going to be damn difficult..nobody said  that  following a dream and achieving it will be a cake walk..but  I must confess handling emotional  turbulences  in our own heads is really difficult  and heartbreaking..but I will continue and never ever stop to pursue my own silly little dream...😇😇😇😊😊💞